Transcendence (Tirobhava to Anugraha) is an orthogonal direction, no matter what season is happening

I have been roiling/rolling in [disease, suffering, deprivations, limitations, depressions, weakness, fatigue],

From lack of energy/prana,

Since 2013 Ra Mahadasha.

That's the reason for all my addictions-schedules.

Needing the stimulants like tea/nicopatches, hot-cold bath, fap, supplements, exercise, drinks etc.

This is an inner 4th world situation since 2013 - Where the body is collapsing from the deprivation of energy,

And all my actions are about trying to get spurts of energy/breaks/reliefs,

Only to postpone/delay the fall that just keeps on going on and on.

It is the season of transition from body to out-of-body (the Bharani imperative?),

From waking->dreaming->sleep, the return part of the cycle.

I have to live low key, lay low, with low budget expenses,

Just to manage/pass through this transition.

I'm sort of in a [state of suspension (suspended action), bardo, limbo, liminal space, transitory state].

The astral load is high, taking up a lot of my energy to experience->process->sort all of it out.

I'm constantly in the zone of in-between life(survival) and death.

The constant yo-yoing between: 

12h (the loss of lagna) and 1h (the ecstasy of birth, new life).

Beginnings ---and--- fadings

My strife being to someone access the 1h again through temp means whenever I can,

Manifesting as 1000s of sparks of creativity, but with very short life.

Life now feels like walking in a dark night searching for those fireflies of hope.
Always searching for stimulations - that might make me "feel real" for a while,

Instead of the faded dream flow that is otherwise ongoing.

The [Tirobhava -> Anugraha], is an orthogonal direction to [Srishti -> Stithi -> Laya].

And every change can be used to progress higher in transcendence in this orthogonal direction.

There is new knowledge/learning/progression in transcendence, 
No matter what happens in the planar space.