All change is death

Because change is death. 

# Growth is additive change, 

# Decay is depreciative change, 

# Transformation is total change. 

Faith and its reinforcement and effacement loops

Positive/Negative reinforcement spirals from successes and failures.

Being stuck in the self-fulfilling rut of expectations.

Applies to every single aspect of life and behavior.

What purpose is seen

Seeing a higher and lower,

Immediately creates ideals and a corresponding purpose.

If you see everything as a flatland and same,

Then there is only pursuit of pleasure/gratification as the purpose. 

Pleasure and Pain

# Pleasure is beginnings, pain is endings

# Pleasure is expansion, pain is contraction

# Pleasure is success, pain is failure

# Pleasure is seeking, pain is withdrawal

# Pleasure is accel, pain is brake

# Pleasure is birth, pain is death

# Pleasure is growth, pain is retardation/regression

# Pleasure is wonder, pain is horror

The path from the lower ascs to the higher

The gurus or the higher LOCs know what has to open up/sublimate/thin-out/dissolve,

For the lower LOCs to become the higher LOCs.

Like how acid all permeates the solid and dissolves it into itself.

It is just low energy -> high energy.

From: Solid - Flexible - Liquid - Gaseous - Nothing.

From: Solid - Liquid - Gas - Plasma

From: Earth -> Water -> Fire -> Air -> Ether -> Shiva

Just higher degrees of freedom and openness/reception/subtlety.

So for one who wants to sublimate into greater subtlety,

He is open to receiving from the higher LOCs.

The higher LOCs are more like the sun.

The higher the LOC, the brighter they shine.

For anyone sincere sensitive and looking, the higher LOCs are unmissable.

First step is integrity, then there is seeking.

Without integrity, there isn't even the full clarity of one's true position at all.

It is just the way of escapism/deception.

You can believe you are the highest and end it there itself.

To really want to know the truth, requires sense! some kind of vision/awakening/humility,

To acknowledge one's true position and then look at all the others correctly from there.

Then it is clear that, all is a ladder, we serve those under, and receive from those higher.

Those higher are only too glad to give, if you show your sincere willingness to receive and transform.

The war between the conscious identity and the unconscious unfolding

The war between the conscious and the unconscious.

Where the energies go as per the unconscious ----vs----- Where and how I want them to go from the conscious.

# Talking myself into hating the things I am unconsciously liking/allowing/investing in.

# Talking myself into liking the things I am unconsciously hating/blocking/withdrawing from.

So I am often trying to talk myself into hating the entire world with various arguments, 

Because there is nothing of essence in it, it is all shadows just projected from elsewhere.

The unconscious me just moves towards all the things that have failed earlier, from its momentum,

While the conscious me is trying to stop all that investment outpouring into useless dead/painful ends and instead use that energy to search for something real/true/worthwhile/source.

The unconscious could be [evolutionary memory/genetic memory/karmic memory] with their unconscious patterns of algorithms/habits etc.

In reality the grapes are neither sweet nor sour. 

What and how they are depends on the way I am, the state/condition I am in.

The observer-observed pairing.

But I still need to be honest in terms of seeing where the habitual/unconscious energy is flowing towards.

What kind of fantasy, possibility, desiring outcomes etc.

Mostly it would be a grander repetition of the past that I am seeking.

The collage of different crumbs in the past that were good, making these good collages as fantasies.

All desire is repetition of the past.

A pleasurable experience creates the hook of seeking.

An unpleasurable experience creates a detering.

God is in all of the immanent, but is transcendent of all of it

It is like: The sun is good, but also the source of all energy on earth inc. fuels, plants, animals etc. all forms of energy.

So right now I am seeing all the versions of god, but god is in everyone and everything.

The transcendent ----and----- The immanent.

The attempt is to find the gold in the ornaments.

But all the ornaments will be then seen to be of gold.

But at the same time, they are not gold too in terms of their specific forms (JADA) 

The case for transcendence

Taking medications to tolerate the circumstances - has side effects, suffering, awareness reductions,

Not taking it is also enormous suffering,

But somehow likely nothing would make me take action and leave,

Somehow the feeling is that - I would mess up further by any action of mine,

This has become a really strong programming from seeing multiple failures in trying to find the source of fulfillment outside.

What I want I cannot see, but I know it is not in anything that I see or have seen.

They have all PROVEN themselves to be empty and therefore wastes of time.

So then there is this danger of repeating a million versions of negative pasts.

It is like I am lost in the mirror matrix but want to get out of it.

But all I see and search for is only inside all the endless images of the mirror.

My seeking is for the beyond, the foreign, something impossible, something unknown.

The unknown could be worse, but it is not like the pain of the sheer despair of the known at least.

There is some possibility there. Some exploration is possible.

There is no value to be found in the world.

That is only the shadow and appearance.

The gold will slip through my fingers or just vanish as I even begin to hold it.

Now there is not even much gold in sight at all, very very little of what once was.

Earlier the technicolor mirages, illusions could sometimes dazzle bewitch me, 

Now I live in an apocalyptic grey world with a few colors here and there.

So I want to deal with something closer to source,

Rather than being lost in these shadows, moving from one poison to the other,

While also wasting a bunch of energy in that process, 

And facing all the useless drama and involvements of that.

It is like I have enough failures in my being, to make me seek at this level.

Seems like the more the number of failures outside, more the evolution,

It is like total futility, powerlessness, helplessness is the final point before transcendence.

Because what else can make one transcend?

If what is wanted is found somewhere, sometime, then it would only create a circle of all frantic attempts to recapture that time-space.

The statement of transcendence is like:

May all your dreams fail, so that you may finally enter here.

People keep inventing new dreams and extending their lease of meaning/purpose etc.

But now I am at my last reserves in my capacity to deceive myself that something outside IS IT.

Creating a false dream is like jumping off a building and believe you are flying,

The higher the building, the longer the fall, but also more devastating the impact with the ground or reality.

More the falsity of the dream, more the crash/disappointment/anger/frustration/suffering when you realize it was not it.

By then you would have invested your whole life into it, and it will be too late.

You will have to live through the stomach upset till it clears,

And then hopefully you will not eat the same stuff again for this to repeat.

The rift between false joy and real joy, is based on how much the person is really aligned to the truth of things, how much real Vidya/Gyana has the person grokked/contemplated on.

Only the false shall be lost, the truth forever is.

Nothing real can be threatened, Nothing unreal exists.

But if all you have is the false, then everything can and in a way will be lost at some time.

So it is just a matter of vision.

The one seeking the ultimate truth, in the larger picture, is avoiding a whole load of useless crashes and suffering, thought in the immediate moment he may appear to be unhappy from all that he sees.

And when I say something outside, it is not just outside the body.

The body, brain, mind all are outsides only.

They are all JADA/Inert/Props. Only consciousness is Atma.

Rest is all JADA, but the mixing of consciousness with them gives them their life.

So this JADA is only meant to express your dance.

There is no inherent true real value in anything, apart from the formless transcendent subject.

Sick lost beings living on the medications/diet of uncountable number of illusions,

You cannot just pull them out.

As sg said, wisdom is needed to know what will help and what will not.

If I just pull them out, they will break, but the ropes will not.

They will still think the ropes that held them were more real.

They just don't have the necessary power inside themselves to digest what I give them and grow from that.

This is not different from treating people in the drug addiction ward.

Only here the drugs are their mountain sized belief systems and all the false meaning and activity that creates.

It seems best if they come to me, 

Rather than me going to them.

Even if they come to me, I still have to see how much fire they have come with.

Every question is an opening, but the opening is only as big as what is behind that question.

Everything comes from nothing and returns to nothing and comes back to everything.

x...Nothing -->-- Everything -->-- Nothing...x 

How did this something come from nothing, 

I have privileged inner access to know this.

Lifestyle dimensions

Lifestyle Dimensions: 

# Health/Bio-clock/Energy level/Hunger

# Relationships

# Career/Position/Social-identity

# Living situation

# Passions/Interests/Inspirations

# Luxuries

# Peace level

# Ability to choose focus (amount of free energy available)

# Inner strength/Faith

# Creativity access (accessing the source of creation) 

# Things/Visions/Goals to look forward to

Time is an ever new fountain

Time is a fountain of endless brand-new-ness.

One never steps in the same river twice.

Every instant of time is absolutely unique and incomparable when seen in its full scope.

All comparison is only when we see partially in parts and degrees - comparing parts of perceived to parts of memory.

But the whole moves the whole, 

The whole also changes the whole in perception.

The 10^21 chemical reactions happening in this moment (which cause experience) are unique.

The whole in all changing and never changing at the same time.

It is all changing in appearance, but never changing in essence.

The deeper truth on torture

Other ppl torturing you or thinking about possibilities is a relatively smaller thing,

Compared to your own willingness to torture yourself.

I think sg has a very deep point, he keeps making again and again.

To choose life, because there is only life life and life.

Death is only a transition.

All fear of torture is really the fear of one's own dark side that attracts/gravitates to those things.

One's own penchant for torture and dark fantasies is the real fear. 

One's own destruction wish, attracts all kinds of destructive forces.

The heart is the temple

The heart is the temple.
The sanctum of the temple is the core of the heart.

What do you choose?

Perception riches -----vs---- Material/Relational riches.
Being it all -----vs----- Having it all
Brahmacharya/Yoga is just the conscious pursuit of highest desire.
To desire or not desire is not a choice, the desire for the all is not chooseable.
The only choice is whether you want to pursue it consciously or not.
Unconscious pursuit of this make up all the worldly personas.

Experience is like the colors, harmonies, flavors, beauty math etc.
All else is just props that enact the experiences and their harmonies.
The experience machine is the body chemistry/chemical reactions/activations/firings.
This chemistry activation is inturn controlled by electrical/pranic activations.
So mastery of the prana would inturn master the body chemistry too, 
Thus making the body the kalpavrisksha, the experience machine.

The transformation journey and the realization of faith

Faith is relevant in uncertainty.

When your model of life (formed from your past) does not explain your current experience.

It would also apply when you experience is not stable and consistent and flickering all the time with access doors opening and closing beyond your control appearing to do so at their own whim.

A person will always judge transformation as negative if it is only based on the past.

The only way transformation can be judged positively is by faith.

Transformation: Judging by past(negative) -----vs------ Judging by faith(positive)

What is loved has been lost ----vs----- What is loved has not yet come.

To live itself is to step into the unknown and it is to have faith.

The peak of the dnos is the lowest point, 

The point where the caterpillar has entirely de-structured and become the cocoon.

Where one walks into the unknown in pitch darkness,

And where all movement happens through faith and faith alone.

Faith is the vehicle that carries you through such dark times.

One knows not where one is.

Whether what is happening is a blessing or a curse,

Or even how to make any sense of what is happening.

Suicide, Depression, Bitterness, Alienation/Separation/Anti-social feelings, Thoughts of destruction of everything, all show a crisis or lack of faith.

This faith is actually the force of life itself that moves everything inexhorably.

This is the underlying condition at all times anyway.

Time makes you and breaks you, in its own time.

It structures and de-structures you.

When growing or dying or transforming, there is a lot more uncertainty, 

Lot more of stepping into the unknown, and therefore a lot more of change/life in a sense.

Life = change/unknown/mystery/spirit.

When things are stable and repetitive, there is a chance to build something of your own, 

Where this faith/unknown/uncertainty becomes knowledge of the world/certainty.

Life powers a steady identity platform for you, and makes its actions invisible to you by steadily maintaining it.

This then gives one the experience of being an individual and building your own things.

However, the greatest mystery of death, 

Although greatly veiled in a steady structured predictable known lifestyle, 

Still lurks and has been the intrigue for all of mankind in all times, since it is still the greatest mystery.

What is before birth, and what is after death, are still the 2 unknowns.

What we call our present life, is sandwiched between these 2 unknowns.

In-between we build our own bubble of knowledge and live and navigate our whole adult life through those structures.

We know not where we come from, and we know not where we are going.

The waterfall falls from the: Unknown ----- to the known ----- Back to the unknown.

In-between we live this lifestyle, in the train of life, watching the view from our assigned seat.

We are only instruments, life acts through us

We are only instruments,

Life acts through us.

The various energies of the planets and the energies that govern them,

Also work through us.
We are conductors of these energies we are receptive to.

We channel these energies, embody them, and emit these energies to others.

What does life want to manifest and bring forth through you?

All the past is a preparation for the future ultimately.

What is relevant will stay and live, the rest will fade.

Whatever you want/desire is the repetition of the good past, preferably in an even grander way.

But life is moving one with its own plan and future goal.

Will the good past repeat? OR will it all be left behind for something new?

Moving into the unknown is purely driven by life itself where you just surrender to its pull, 

Because what control can be there for the unknown?

It is to move from surrender/allowing/faith alone, 

And letting thy be done, and letting whatever wants to come through pass through.

Raga-Dvesha, the thrashing around

Raga (Ra) is the leading edge, 

Dvesha (Ke) is the trailing edge,

Of where you are thrashing around existence.

The Ra-Ke axis = Ra being the leading edge of Raga, 

Ke being the trailing edge of Dvesha.

Both are the same thing, they go together.

An intense Ra-Ke Axis, will be the snake squirming/thrashing around in existence.

The one who is trapped/crushed/oppressed by time.

It is a person who is intensely unhappy and in unrest with the present.

Vairagya is transparency/dispassion/allowing.

Everything takes its own time, every process.

You cannot get rid of things faster than you can.

You cannot attain things faster than you can.

You can only set/orient yourself right with full intensity,

And let time unfold the rest.

Only when all of you tries to really move, do you realize the true weight/inertia and resistance challenges in the system.

To be a non-doer is to surrender to time.

Where time moves you, and you just savor the ride.

Living needs faith

You need faith to live.

To live is to step into the unknown. 

How I listen to everyone

When any person talks,

I just listen to their subjective perspective,

And add it to my vision.

My intelligence+vision gives me my [direction, judgment, purpose] for my energies.

I see the same "infinite truth" through their lens,

And store that lens-view in my vision.

For me there is no hardened objective perspective apart from the summation of all subjective perspectives.

However each perspective hits me at different levels of power and depth as felt by me the subject,

Then I use everything to deepen and richen myself.

It is similar to eating different kinds of foods, supplements etc. 

Some match the complexity of your own body. Some are very simple. Some are very specific and concentrated.

I use everything for my own growth, deepening, and enrichening.

I streamline all my longings and move towards the highest.

The folded hands upward is my mudra - in and up - sattva.

Sattva = In and up = Mind to Beyond

Rajas = Out and Out = Mind to Mind

Tamas = Out and down = Mind to Matter 

My whole life is a pressure wave movement towards the beyond.

That means my real future self is already stationed in the beyond,

And it is waiting for me to catch up as fast as possible.

I would relate with the term "Seer of souls".

Psychic insights on Anger

Anger from outside is force.

From inside, anger feels like powerlessness-frustration.

It is inefficient wastage mostly.

It is trying to change something that cannot be changed that way.

Either nothing will change i.e. your force will be met with equal resistance,

Or it may even become counter-productive, 

I.e. close down the other further 

And/or they may attack+damage you now,

And/or they may built up anger within themselves to release on you later.

Anger is the ultimately the frustration at the other not being receptive/open.

But often the way the other is, is entirely impersonal.

They can only love/receive/be open to what you share,

If they are that way to those same aspects within themselves.

A person who has no connection to himself and is also violent against all the parts of him that communicate his real feelings to him, will be the same way with you and your feeling sharing etc.

So their violence is simply a reflection of their violence at themselves now displaced onto you.

It is a displacement.

Ultimately, people treat you the way they treat themselves.

A person who has truly seen themselves in complete honesty and depth, 

Will have deep compassion and insight naturally.

What you want vs. what the deeper reality wants

If what you want is what the deeper reality wants,

Then you will succeed with very little effort.

If what you want is not what the deeper reality wants,

It is to move upstream with solely your effort,

And the effort will be nulled soon by the downstream of time.

Left side and Right side of the body role

The left hand/leg plays a supporting role to the right hand/leg which plays the acting/striking role.

The left creates the conditions and holds it for the right to act/strike. 

Insight on chakras

 

Wherever I go, the same things

Wherever I go there is: 

cooking, eating, drinking, cleaning, washing, drying, brushing, bathing, sleeping, walking, clothing, gathering, walling, talking, standing, sitting, fixing, packing, carrying, breathing, moving, maintaining

Thinking, planning, calculating, relating.

The conveyor belt of time.

Like a rat in a maze with the whole ground on a circle path conveyor belt.

Survival value ----vs----- Value for survival.

The only pleasure is in doing god's will from its smallest cycle to its largest ones.

I need enough pleasure to justify the huge costs/burdens/bills of existing in this time path.

Have to economize and manage the daily pleasure money I get from existence.

Getting crushed by the cycles of time - Trapped in the cycles of time - Riding the cycles of time.

There seem to be only 3 options:
Oppose - Obey - Obey + Direct with Vision

[Raga (resisting present) OR Dvesha (resisting present)] ------vs------ Vairagya (transparent, silent, all allowing).

Resistance (desiring the impossible, opposing the possible) ------vs------ Non-resistance allowing.

Raga/Desire-Dvesha/Fear go together.

If you desire something impossible, you will totally oppose everything.

Mind as a airplane/copter or camera

The mind is like an airplane/helicopter or camera.
It must be able to zoom in, zoom out, pan in all 360 degs.
It must be able to take off, land, and have all 3 movements - pitch, roll, ya.

You are the gathering from your receptivities

Everyone is a channeler of their influences,

Through their receptivities.

What are you receptive to?
What are you closed to?
The very gathering happens from the material that was received through the receptivity opening/channel.

The seed is channeling the cosmic forces through its lens of receptivities.

When one becomes totally receptive, then the full force of that channel flows through.

# We open up to what we want to be receptive to and receive. Conscious or Unconscious.

# We close down to what we do not want to receive. Conscious or Unconscious.

The person is actually the accumulation of that he/she was receptive too.
There can be different proportions:
20% gathering ------- 80% receptivity (still pulling)
80% gathering ------- 20% receptivity (still pulling)
Actualization/Gathering/Becoming -----vs----- Potential/Seeking/Receiving
So meeting a person, it can be seen how much has been gathered and how much is still potential.
A person generally will stay like an attracting vacuum, till the developmental potential has been consumed.

Just like the positive and negative ions in a battery.
Once the potential difference is equalized, the battery becomes neutralized.

Classically, a kid is much more potential than an adult for instance.
Because there is much more receptivity than gathered stuff.
The kid is mostly devoted to his/her parents and will equalize with their stature at some point of time. So this is the channeling that the kid does through his growing up years.
Most people lead lives that are simply repetitions of the ways their own parents lived.
The genetics cycles through and through.

Sometimes the mother father themselves have a child like receptivity.
Then the kid continues to stay receptive even in later life, because there is so much potential force still operational.
There are other parents who have reached steady state. 
For them their kids stay receptive only till they equalize with the parent, then they make the curve very gradual after that point.
They will keep pushing until they attain equivalence with their ego-image fantasy concoction/projection.

What is the Dark night of the Soul?

DNOS = Dark night of the heart = Dark night of Love.

Losing interest in the creation, and movement towards creator.

A deep hollowing out and loss of interest, withdrawal of cathexis/prana causing the unbecoming of all that was previously held in identity.

It is an identity dissolution and identity unbecoming and identity subtleization.

It puts everything into a limbo, bardo, liminal state,

Where one just witnesses the unfoldment of the process of sublimation/transmutation, almost like a rapid decay timelapse.

Where once  alive seeds are burnt up and only their dried remains remain.

Living through decay, rotting, putrefaction, digestion, burning up with fire of various seeds/trees/plants that were previously fed with cathexis/prana.

It is the identity level cymatics, of identity moving up to a higher freq and moving into subtler planes, identity elevation

The time when one keeps on living getting randomly/meaninglessly buffeted and slapped around by life.

It is the fading-out of the prior existence.

It is dissolution into a higher solvent. 

It is transformation of the entire being.

It is not for any reason, but trans-reason, for its own sake, the playout of the deepest longing.

It is the turning away from the world, and turning inward towards the source.

It is also the stress and pain of all that is clung onto in the world outside that stops this movement.

It is the return journey to source.

It is the separation of the soul/spirit from the body/ego identity.

All movement then is only driven by faith/longing, and not by reason.

Deep fulfillment and Devotion are the same

Deep fulfillment = Surrender = Devotion = Openness = Happiness = Deep satisfaction = Gratitude = Gentleness = Highest state of heart.

Some general insights

# Learning vs Judging

One cannot learn when judging ---vs----- One cannot judge when learning.

# Seeing comes from the desire underneath.

We see from desire.
# Different reasons for my situation:

- Choosing a foreign mother/family, for transcendence, like how swetaketu was sent to rear 400 cows to forget everything and become presence.

- Past and prebirth initiations into other worldly experiences, that sets the stage for longing/seeking in this birth.

- Samsara [Creation-Maintenance-Destruction]-Deliverance-Liberation = The deliverance being the orthogonal direction similar to the 2-D card creature being tossed up by the 3-D creature.

- It could be just the amount of experience-time, that evolves the being, to the state where he desires liberation.

Like how thermodynamics etc. may become interesting only to the 20+ year old vs the 5year old.

That concept will not even appeal to the 5 year old most likely.

- Like a nine month baby is filling and stretching on the limitations of the womb.

While the fetus is floating right in the middle. Far from it feeling confining, it feels vast.

# I enjoy all the things that I enjoy here.

I only resent the limitations. 

The 4 degrees of freedom: Solid, Liquid, Gas, Plasma

The 4 degrees of freedom: By supplying more energy to a system, it gets freed:

# Solid = fixed mass shape volume, fixed lattice

# Liquid = fixed mass volume, free shape, molecule sheets sliding over each other

# Gas = fixed mass, changing volume and shape, molecules moving away from each other

# Plasma = intra-atom ionization, freed electrons, while expanding the electrons may lose energy and once again fall into usual gas atoms. So plasma then would be very close to the source of higher energy only surrounding it.

Doors of experiences/possibilities open or close

When something looks possible/doable, the door is open.

When something looks impossible/non-doable, the door is closed.

Doors open, Doors close.

Other relations are doors, and they in turn open other doors, and so on.

Having good friends, partners, relations, opens doors and doors, bringing bounties.

But those friends/partners/relatives are doors by themselves too.

Liking vs Tolerating

Attraction ------ Aversion

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1 Liking ---------- Tolerance 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10

Yin Yang, Chakras, Elements, Octaves

 

Collective consciousness - a certain band of perception ability

Collective consciousness - a certain range of frequency of perception.

Society and all it's structures fall under this.

Anyone outside of this, whether regressive or progressive,

Must bridge to society to be connected with it.

The most popular ppl are fully immersed in the nucleus of collective consciousness.

There are then the floating electrons around it, still held in and bounded by its gravity, but also the most free.

You can market something, only when the thing is fully fitting into the range of perception from the collective.

If it is outside the range, there is no question of marketing at all, nothing CAN be seen.

It reminds me of the TM quote "It is not stranger than you suppose, it is stranger than you CAN suppose".

If something cannot be perceived at all, marketing is simply out of question even.

All of society's factions - health, politics, science, corporate, jobs, travel, careers etc. all fall within the collective consciousness band.

Towards Becoming or Towards the Void

Taken into becoming vs. Taken into the void/silence.

(The very act of excessive talking is the subtle holding on to what is receding.)

Identity progression vs. Identity recession.

Both show similar attachment, focus, interest, and investment.

One is doing it to build on the interest, 

The other is doing it as a cherishing/fruition/completion point of his interests.

Both look kind of similar on the outside.

***

We all come with nothing, and go with nothing.

Only whatever is gained in-between can be lost.

The identity/personality/interests are gained,

And then the identity/personality/interests are dissolved back into silence.

It is like electromagnets.

The subtle-body/soul itself is like an electromagnetic form.

They can increase the magnetic force causing greater accumulation,

Or reduce the magnetic force causing dropping of accumulation.

All interests/becoming/identity-building work on magnetism.

The magnets strengthening the power, or dropping its power.

***

Once the soul/subtle body turns inward,

It withdraws its magnetics, and causes the drop off in the outer world (vyaya bhava).

Like the 3 zodiac signs characteristics:

cardinal = growth, fixed = maintenance, mutable = dissolution.

***

The whole identity is actually built off the ground of these magnetics.

It is like the seed and the soil.

The soil is what powers up the seed to sprout, tree, and flower.

Returning to the soil, is like returning to the source.

The 2 broad mindsets

The 2 broad mindsets:

All value lies outside, I must acquire it ----vs---- All value lies inside, I must preserve it.

Desire to acquire -----vs----- Desire to preserve.

Lack/Attachment to outside/Anger at withholders/Fear of losing opportunity/Control of others -----vs----- Attachment to inside/Anger at users/Fear of losing acquired/Self-Control.

Gravity lying outside (outward pull) ----vs----- Gravity lying inside(inward pull).

Perceptual defense vs Perceptual openness

Perceptual defense = resisting/avoiding/preventing perception at all.

Difference between:

The ego controlling perception ----vs---- The perception dissolving ego.

Every perception should change your structure ----vs---- You changing every perception to suit your structure (gas-lighting, manipulation, agenda-serving).

Every perception should change you totally. 

Does the future forward your expectations or defy it?

Every experience creates an expectation,

The next experience is then measured and judged against this?

The transition from high to low and low to high.

Low to high is pleasure, high to low is frustration.

Because there is an association/identity/attachment to the high. 

The dream layer of reality becoming alive

The [dream layer, interpretation matrix, meaning layer of reality, context layer, intention layer],

Keeps morphing and warping itself.

That is alive and changing.

Like how the Seattle Sky/Aakash is more alive, 

Therefore much more changing, 

While other skies aren't as alive, 

And look constant as a result.

When something is alive, 

It changes/morphs a lot more.

It is not that for others this dream layer is fully dead,

It is just much less alive.

It is not hot enough to sublimate to another state,

Like from moving water to transforming it to another state of freedom like vapor.

So this Taijasa dimension being alive in me, 

The pragnya/knowing/shining that this is a dream is self-manifest.

The access of myriad potentials appearing and disappearing.

Unchained free imagination.

The higher the frequency/aliveness = The greater the emptiness.

The shifting context reminds me of [imaginations, dreams, and psychedelics].

When imagination is not alive, 

It freezes context, meaning, value, intentions, that membrane or matrix, the lens.

Here that itself becomes infused with life,

Immediately collapsing the somewhat hardened dream/imagined situation as only its possibility.

It is that high freq reality life, in a higher vibration.
I feel it as simply the higher dimension,
The screen getting alive and getting freed from its hardened fixed context.

So the truth will shine self-evidently like LSD = Only the dream is real, I am spirit.

There is only the dream, and the specific dream was only one of its forms.

You become the dream stuff itself, the space of imagination, I am the power of "imagination" dawns.

It also collapses the notion of reality of all that was experienced earlier,

Just like watching the screen shift its image, makes you realize the screen is not the image, and is not only independent from it, it has the potential power to show any image.

One rises above all of what is felt as reality, like flying on a magic carpet, 

Seeing grand vistas and the greater context/deeper meaning/vastness of everything while flying.

This ability to rise above the mundane hard reality depends on the quality of life force you are able to receive/channel, and on many other conditions.

The realization that dawns is that: There is only the dream. There is only imagination. All is that.

Reality is simply the fire of life playing as and through all kinds of forms.

There is the realization that, you are not in the world, but rather the world is dreamed through you,

And how vast and free this dream is, depends upon the quality of the life force/spirit/fire powering it.

The different dimensions:

The LIGHT.

The causal deep sleep state layer = Pragnya-Ishwara

The subtle astral dream state layer = Taijasa-Hiranyagarba

The gross physical waking state layer = Viswa-Virat

Physical and relational ownership/occupation

Just like physical ownership/possession difference between one to one,

There is also relationship ownership/possession difference between one and one.

***

Physical occupation on land, 

Relational occupation in psychic space.

***

So just like you can have physical poverty,

You can have relational poverty too.

***

Just like there is free money to buy things,

There is also relational power to forge relations. 

I desire understanding

I do not want validation,

I want the validation that comes as a byproduct of understanding.

Else ppl give validation pretending to understand, when they actually don't.

So what I desire is actual understanding. 

The different dimensions of time

The different dimensions of time:

Social time = KG/Elementary, Primary School, Secondary school, College, Work, Retirement

Biological time = Childhood, Teenage, Early adulthood, Middle adulthood, Older adulthood

Astrological time = The astrological chart, Mahadashas-Antardashas

Cosmological time = Moon cycles, Sun cycles, Earth cycles (Seasons)

Psychological time = Subjective direct experience of time

Chronological time = Clock time

Abandoned energies turning against you

Do abandoned energies (that were previously mixed-in) turn against you?
It is as if all relations that received conscious tangling OR unconscious tangling of your energy (like family relations),
Need to be untangled slowly and gently over time without breaking or separating it.
Since the family-ones are unconscious and therefore deeper, they are harder to unwind out.
As part of the Dwija - twice born, there has to be separation from the familial identity, with as much grace as possible.
I have done a good job with transforming JB. But D is the hard one by a very long shot.
In fact it is mostly me attempting to seek the connection with JB with different techniques, not from their side to me.
***
That energy turns against you and works against you.
It is like now the relationship gets imposed on you, which becomes the enemy relation.
It is the energetic link that is refusing to separate and still entangled, since the door is not opening voluntarily, it is barging-in and demanding the relation.
Now the interesting thing is, I might have had such violent relations in the past, where I was the one imposing this on the other.
That is why like the criminal transformed by Buddha, when he went to the village ppl still threw stones at him.
So even though I am transformed hugely and am stepping out of my old patterns, those old patterns mirrored by others who synced with me, are now demanding the same from me and therefore turning adversarial and violent.
***
The violence happens because it is against my will which wants to separate itself from those energies.
Even if I withdraw from it, it gets thrust on me as some intrusion/violation which is a forcible inclusion of sort.
Like breaking the door and entering.
It is a way of forcibly grabbing attention.
This could be problematic, because now every fight will be perpetuated, to maintain the relation.
It is as if forcibly dishing out pain to the other is the only way the connection is forcibly maintained.
It is like eggidi hitting me on the back, and me slapping him.
This is the definition of abusive relations right? Where one or both the parties act unconsciously forcing the relation violently on the other.
Now even if I decide to stop, he will still do it from habit and that would be felt like abuse to me.
It is also heavily conditioning coming from eons maybe. That is the only way they know to relate, unless that intensity is provided through another way.
***
The problem is of the demand for intensity. Because that much intensity is difficult to get by proper sustainable means. So it is kind of a rabbit hole and it reminds me of criminals who are not willing to work and earn value in society, and instead break into the bank and steal the money.
That extreme hunger, and lack of legit means, means they will use brute violent ways which are obv non-sustainable and will lead to the system putting them in prison.
***
So essentially in abusive relations, one is dealing with a criminal, who wants to grab that intensity of attention from you by force and against your will.
Is it not similar to rape in a sense? or physical abuse? - essentially unearned relation that is demanded.
[I do that with B, but in a different way, by marketing/selling/emphasizing all the great value I bring to him, that is another way].
So it is like perfusion into other energies and withdrawal from other energies,
There is a certain grace in both those processes.
Violent entry becomes violation.
Violent exit is seen as violation again.
***
Its problem is that, it wants the relation intensity so bad, and goes about criminal brute ways of getting other's attention.
My problem is, my failure of proper assertion, which either gets completely closed or it is completely open to a big detriment to me.
I thought being silent and completely non-cooperative, non-responsive would do the trick, but it seems to fire the violence of the other even more.
***
Another problematic link now is through food, the seductive kinds of foods, which it uses to get relation from others.
So the relation is only through the stomach and obv through not so healthy sweet or spicy foods.
So I wonder, does the sadist become the masochist when he withdraws from his old ways.
It is like the Ire of all the people he violated and attacked, is felt as coming back to him from them being the sadist now.
Prarabdha is the arrow that is already fired and living through the effects of that.
So nothing can be done but to BHOG the effects.
But agami is the arrow armed right now which can be shot skillfully with vision in the present.
***
It is like in the previous night if you have not settled some issue,
After sleeping it comes back to you in the morning.
Similarly, I think my karma is not with individuals,
But rather to the psyche patterns which get symbolically played out like dreams.
Like how SK was behaving almost exactly the same.
The repeating pattern tells you there is that unresolved component.
How to resolve does not mean you just get back into the old pattern.
It has to be transformed with vision too, not just a reactive thing and agreeing to fall back into it,
Which actually recreates the same past that you have just changed from.
The unconscious energies are transformed from your conscious intelligence to whatever capacity you can manage with Agami.
***
It almost seems like withdrawal from relation is not an option.
It turns the relations bad.
But even strangers turn hostile.
So it seems like having no relation is not possible as long as I am in this environ.
When I am moving into enlightenment, does everyone want to tag along for a free ride?
Like sg was saying the snakes would come when he would go into deep meditation?

Hot-air balloon eagle perspective (triply removed)

My experience feels highly removed from the visceral/on-the-ground perspective/animal-alert outer focused perspective.
It is like I am doubly or triply removed from the outside world.
My perception from my perspective is completely symbolic/metaphorical/analogy based/implied/indirect/abstract/poetic/musing-like/contemplative/visionary/dreamy/artistic/mystical.

I look at my whole experience as if you are seeing what is happening from scrolling Google Maps zoomed-in to about a 1000ft height (say it is showing a live feed of what is happening on the ground).
I am always looking at the entirety of my experience as "experience" itself directly.
Sort of like looking at a movie screen and seeing the whole thing as moving images on the screen.

So for me the whole is moving, the whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole.
And every whole is infinitely rich in its own way,
Just like every art piece is infinitely beautiful in its own way.

I am identified most as the commentator of the commentator looking at the cricket/football match happening.
OR I am identified with the hot air balloon person, looking at the police man, guiding the different car drivers in traffic.
OR I am identified with the CEO of the corporation looking at the big picture vs. the actual programming writing the building blocks for their website application etc.

I feel extraordinarily detached and removed.
Like I am filled with Aakash/the element of space,
And all other elements are just dancing within me,
Creating my daily experiences day after day.
From the perspective of Aakash/Space I feel like an all permeating witness,
With the ability to access everything from every point from its inside.

For me travel feels like an eagle flying over a vast vista.
All different but also equivalent in the sense of their intricacies and riches.
I am just traversing between different wholes, that is the kind of feeling.
Like moving through scrolls of different kinds of equal size art works.
I cannot say a sharp good or bad about anything, because of the riches of everything.

I experience travel (and general life itself mostly) like a sort of 'Virtual Reality' experience.
Like a passing long-drawn dream, like a long saga playing itself out,
And me witnessing and experiencing everything from the front seat of this 4-D theater playing out the movie-roll of 'a specific TIME path-trace' for me.
Passing through all the different SOCs.

It is like a fractal.
Because while I am watching from my own timeline, I see all other timelines playing out too.
Like multiple symphonies playing at the same time in superposition,
And me using my attention apparatus to filter to the timeline I want to observe.

I relate to everything like a dew drop in the indra's net,
And in this case my own dew-drop keeps moving through this indra's net fractal.
True power for me, from this point of view, lies in ACCESS/VISION and ENERGY/POWER to move anywhere.

I don't fundamentally see anything as god/creator/universe etc.
I think those are all intellectual mind-made concepts.
I only experience my self or my own experience,
Which includes its visions/limitations/inner-longings.

The genesis of identity/ego and its maintenance

An identity/ego is created based on "what about you, was loved/liked/needed/recognized by others".

So we tend to stick and recreate/regenerate/cultivate the same inner-outer situations/ppl/attitudes/inclinations to maintain that identity that got us love.

It is like a whirlpool-cycling-maintenance.

Trying to find your place in the world is essentially like trying to find an environ to forge an identity, that best builds on the seed you carry.
But the seed itself might have been forged from a long evolutionary past and eons of cycles.

But it is not something you do by yourself, it is also as much about "what about you is loved by others (even animals)", that makes you invest in it, for your own survival/continuation/furtherance.

It is like the 2 hands needed to clap.

This extends quite deep.

If someone does not like you at all, 

You will avoid everything about them, and also all that they do too, because that attracts the same kind of energies right, that are against your general-seed/formed identity.

It eventually gets reciprocal. And they also sense the same from you, and avoid you totally.

The issue is, it extends to not just their sensory presence, but also all that they like-dislike, you want to keep away from all of it, esp. what they like, because that imitation would then become the attractor for that which is not conducive to your seed desires, i.e. more such people who are not supportive of your other potentials (in the majority).

So the whole thing seems like a massive game in 'time gathering' and relativity.
Also, if there are seed desires, that are not manifested in your current identity, that could come as an attraction you feel to something foreign.

Whatever you consciously identify with,
You feel a connection/affinity with all others sharing the same conscious or unconscious identification.
Someone could remind you of a heavenly dimension of yourself,

Or they could remind you of a hellish dimension of yourself. 
Your self here means the seed pattern you know/perceive/recognize/cognize.

Likes-Dislikes are the quintessence of karma itself.

Devotion/Mirroring is towards anything that is powerful and loves us greatly, like a great mother archetype, a deeply vitalizing sustaining power.

We mirror/imitate whatever supports and sustains our life.

That is why pets adapt to their owners.
They may even start to physically resemble each other esp. where the involvement was intense between the 2.
This also unconsciously happens.

Wherever we live esp. with involvement, the residue of that accrues slowly over time.
Then later you feel nostalgia for the same in your memory.

Great love is the harbinger of great transformation.

Because it will move you from STATE A to STATE B.

The question I wonder about is that,
Was that also predestined? in the sense of being written into the seed?
Something that time activates by bringing the right place/time/people?

Life I guess moves between love and fear.
It would be only love, if your identity/identification is zero.

It would align with the saying, you came with nothing, you'll go with nothing, all else in the middle is simply gain of various kinds.
It would only be fear, if you identity is a huge accumulation but there is not enough energy to maintain it all.

Changing our identity and environ is taking a survival risk.

There is a tendency to maintain continuity rather than making a lossy abrupt change in hope of something much better. 

Depends on how the tendencies within tilt.

Because how can we know that new identity will garner more interest/love/support from others or not.

Also leaving the people we have had prior investment with, is to start anew.

Like moving to a new city and leaving your old bank balance behind there itself.

And time also fades out everything, so leaving the current situation means, it will start to fade in your absence. You will also lose your past investment.

The only way to have true freedom is to be absolutely dispassioned detached from everything.

Where you are absolutely willing for anything.

The ultimate courage is the ultimate freedom.

It comes from the ultimate transcendence.
Where you connect with the source (like the sun), and realize all the other things you thought you were, were one among many of its paler small reflections.

Where one is free from TIME.
The GREAT TIME that flows and changes on and on.
Moving through its multiple dimensions.
Entering and exiting through through various dimensions/various lokas/various densities.

Only so much can be done in a period of time.
It goes no faster or slower.
The sun does not shine any more brightly than it does.
So there are great limitations in time and energy.
Neither do we have indefinite time nor extreme energy to get things done extremely quick.
We stand on the quicksand of time, while trying to pull ourselves by the bootstraps against the quicksand of death/entropy/decline taking us in.
And finally death wins, and all our struggle was ultimately in vain.

It is like the myth of sisyphus.
Energy alternates between Rajas-Tamas-Rajas-Tamas...
There is absolutely no option but to ABIDE/ALIGN.

The X-factors in infections/diseases at the physical level

The X factors:

3 types:
# Living (micro-organisms/bacteria/parasites)
# Dormant (interface between the 2, the virus concept (cellular memory program disruption/alteration/corruption etc.)
# Non-living (toxins, poisons, heavy metals)

2 variables that determine affect = potency and quantity that enters.

4 Transmission means:

# Contact surfaces:

Passing on to a person's system via contact surfaces i.e 

Contact with skin -> Then contact with mucus membranes like eyes/nose/mouth -> Capacity to deal with that at the mucus levels.

# Ingestion:

Eating something -> The strength of the stomach acid then determines how much is neutralized or if the parasites/pathogens are killed

# Breath:

Through breathing in aerosol/vapor minute water droplets - breathing, coughs, sneezes 

(consider the perfume analogy - breath being like a gentle bellows-action like an accordion, 

and cough/sneeze being like a pressurized bottle that is sprayed).

# Direct injection into the blood stream

Tick bite, insect bite, snake bite etc.

The 3 sister concepts: Auto-immune diseases, Viruses, Cancer.

They are all sister concepts because all of them work at the level of cellular memory programs.

It is the malfunction of the integrity of the 'memory layer' of our cellular system.

Technology is the bridge/translator between realms

Technology is the bridge between the mind realm and the physical realm.

There are technologies that bridge/link different spectrums.

Like electronics/electricity is converting energy to work.

Then there are senses recreation/creation techs like displays/speakers etc. 

Masks and concealing identity

The masked world is the underground world of clandestine/hidden identity.

Showing one's face to the world is the identity face.

That is why in all the things that society shuns, even porn for instance,

Mask use there is very common.

Only the face or portion of the face is masked to cover the identity, 

To make oneself generic and invisible.

It is like that V for Vendetta kind of mask.

Even political rebels, societal rebels, wear masks.

A person too different, may want to wear a mask and move around.

Deeper insights on karma and passive exposure

The very reason for feeling attraction,

Is past exposure.

Passive exposure of anything does millions of things.

Total abstinence is the only way to clean something out,

Or extremely conscious deliberate minimal activity.

Esp. sexual attraction is totally shaped by sheer exposure and intimacy.

That is exactly the reason one is attracted to parental lookalikes, past partner resemblances etc.

Attraction has no logic, it is pure parallel processing of accumulations,
Creating pleasure/pains, desires/fears,

And all accumulations are also constantly digested.

What you consciously do, attend to, at each moment profoundly leaves residues,

That then build up karma and attract more of the same, and so on.

That is why karma-samyama dissolves all of this.

Because you are letting digestion happen with no new input.

Like sg said,
How much are you conscious of every moment?
How much do you see of the impressions and residues you are taking in?

That will keep building within.

Karma keeps regenerating the same patterns and constantly reinforcing and deepening those.

That is how grooves of preferences get entrenched.

KARMA = The HEAP of information.

Desires/Aversions, Attractions/Repulsions.

So whom you have sex with, is the focal point of all the accumulations.

Only what you consciously build will come with you.

The accumulations keep serving and forwarding themselves.

You cannot be separate from whatever you are perceiving.

That is why sg said, manage the karmic information.

Or that that person ate bad food and so is suffering.

My ego as a shattered mirror reflection from others

For me,
The very reason for my depression/withdrawal,
Is of the feeling of hopelessness,
To ever find ADEQUATE connection and reflection,
Of my being from an other or others.

The word "adequate" is the most imp.
I mean I do find various connections,
But they are like tiny scraps/bread crumbs,
Extremely inconsistent, fleeting, and meager.

So I became sort of death oriented,
A sense of despair/ambivalence/frozenness/detachment,
(a tension between hope and hopelessness),
Wishing for death rather than life,
Which tipped the balance of my life energies,
Towards withdrawal and sleep instead of activity and pursuit.

I then live within myself in my mind all the time,
With profound insecurity,
While getting crumbs of tiny connections here and there,
Like fireflies while walking through a dark night.
The outer world and others look like a shattered crazy mirror to me,
When it comes to them seeing me.

Imagine various tiny shards of a shattered mirror,
Reflecting tiny bits of you in a weird distorted magnified or shrunken way,
That is how I feel I am reflected in the outside.
So if this is the basis of my outside world experience,
I lose all interest in doing anything with others,
Which is what then drives my isolation and tendency to avoid all relation.

You can say my ego,

(The outer image of me,
Which is the internalization of the other's projections of value on me)
Is shattered/destroyed.
My ego image is just a shattered mauled mirror image,
That is what I get from others.

So I entirely try to stay away from ego itself,
Because it is going to be something unreliable, crazy-making deeply unsatisfying anyway.
Maybe all this context is a blessing in disguise for me,
To seek the truth within without much pay offs coming from others adoring me.

My self thus has become sorta like an involuted black hole,
Endless contemplating and reflecting myself to myself,
Returning to the source of all my experiences.
Maybe this is the natural process for an old soul.
Just like how children are very different from grandparents.

I feel most secure, when I rely on myself, and when I am alone.
This is because I have never found anyone,
Who ever cared to know about me enough and maintain it,
Starting from the parents.

It is an attachment trauma essentially.
I know in my writing, there is a clear undercurrent of bitterness and resentment.
I definitely sense that too.
But it gets diluted when I actually see that that is the way the world and everyone else is.
They all seem innocent just like me in a way.

This also hugely drives my creativity too.
Because when nothing works, you try the most daft things lol.
It also drives my fierce attunement and empathy to others,
Somewhere it is also motivated by me trying to find connection, that unmet need.
So it's as if you are always hungry and looking for food.

The body is the descent into prakriti

The body and its formation,

Is a massive descent into "prakriti".

You simply join one of the "streams" of "existing lineages",

Depending on what you (as the residual seed) gravitate towards.

Then as the river of time flows, 

It forges the whirlpool (gross and subtle physicality/cycles) of the subject's body-mind like a potters wheel.

As the subject/body-mind is gathered in time, 

It focuses (like a camera lens focuses) the experience of the outer world too.

The body-mind is like the prism,

That diffracts the undifferentiated white light,

Into various colors,

No different from how a projector light passed through a film,

Modifies the white light into the movie.
The changing world is only the projection of the changing self.

The definition and complexity of the subject forged,

Translates into the definition and complexity of the world too.

This process goes on at different speeds at different points in the time stream.

At a certain time, the same time stream dissolves the subject,

And with it also dissolves the world experience.

If this dissolution is fully complete, 

Then it is a complete life leaving no residue (maha-pari-nirava or liberation).
If the dissolution is only until a residual seed (from identification),

Then that residual seed gravitates to another body-mind from some lineage stream in prakriti,

To fulfill its desires.

The body-mind and the world experience appear together and disappear together.

Just like the projector film and the movie appearance appear and disappear together.

The world is a projection of the self (which is the residue of the time-flow/stream that is identified with).

All desire is from false identification.

Because you think you have been lost with the loss of things or experiences,

And that there is a you present in the things/experiences that you are now separated from.
When the 'you' is completely freed from all the formations in this density,
One can be said to be freed liberated enlightened from this density of existence.

Both society and money are collective consciousness

Money is a representation of social value given to something.

So ultimately a new trend is an invoked desire and its focusing in collective consciousness.

Society itself is a representation of collective consciousness - the common denominator, 

I.e. the agreement that the 90%+ majority have conformed to.

Creativity as translation from quantum to classical

Creativity is the bridge function from the quantum to the classical.

First there is a certain access to a certain quantum of the quantum field.

A download happens,

Then it is translated into classical as it comes through the bridge,

And gets born into the classical from the higher dimension.

Post that, I wait again for the magical access, and keep working on my emptiness.

The most important thing

To maintain the depth/profoundness of life experience.
To work on pure clear perception.

Memory patterns, unconsciousness action to conscious action

Memory Patterns = chemical, psychological, energy, karmic.

Anything that is done unconsciously can be done consciously - the basis of yoga.

Pursuit of survival and pursuit of love

We are attracted to whoever loved us the most,

Or we are attracted to whoever resembles the ones who loved us the most.

So the mother's love is the basis for the love-map of the child.

That relationship is what then extends to everything else as extensions.

To take this further back,

The womb you are born in, the astro-timings, that is what determines the destiny of that organism?

So being born in a harsh womb sets the stage for an entire life filled with suffering.

Being born in a pleasant womb with good early life, gives an enormous advantage.

The body is forged like a potters wheel.

All attraction to others is from the hope/promise/prospect of being loved.

That hope itself connects and comes from the previous memory of actually having experienced that.

Despair, hopelessness, DNOS, is when that hope is the white eye in the black fish.

In the larger picture, the life of certain ppl is greatly supported by vishnu. 

The rest are marginalized more and more, and pushed far out. 

Transcendence is possible from every and any point in time-space

How much energy are you willing to receive?

How filled with lightness are you ready for?

How formless are you ready to make all the chakras?

How much are you willing to be dissolved?

How much are you filling to raise/rise in frequency?

One can rise into stillness, above all.

Truth is power, there is no difference

Being [genuine, real, truthful] carries and exudes power.

Being your self is the most powerful way to live in.

The more one is in truth, the more powerful one is.

Truth is synonymous with power.

When constructing an artifice,
It is inherently less secure and less powerful,
Because it is made up and has to withstand the pressure of truth pushing from behind it.

The back-pressure of truth constantly threatens its annihilation.

The person has to become tense and then pinch off the truth flow,

And a sudden addition of tenseness/control/holding back can be then easily seen.

Because it is hard to suppress the flow of truth,
Which pressures/pushes/and constantly threatens the selective blockade that the controller has created.

So the tenseness/contraction then must be continuously held and maintained.

So the moral is,
Dismantle your false dams,
And let the truth destroy them,
And be free.
Let your self (which is the dam) be destroyed by truth,
And then one no longer is, and the truth alone remains.

Living by principle vs vision

To give an example:

In principle: "A 1000 mile journey starts with the first step and then the next and the next..."

But a person thinking from the vision point of view will be like: "A 1000 mile journey will take you forever, it would take you 100s of days, and you'd have to deal with these terrains, climates, nights to be spent in these places etc." 

So the principle based person would say: "So what! just take each step and work out the problems as they come by, anyway this is the thing to do."

The vision person would be wondering: "Should I even attempt this journey at all, is there another way etc."

He would be trying to work out all the complexities, planning etc. while flipflopping in his decision to even travel or not.

***

I've seen people who live by principles do not get depressed.

Depression seems to belong to the vision based person.

Like in principle, there are 7.5B people on earth, and I have interacted with at most 1000 of them, and even among that the people at the moment most influencing me is less than 10.

So in principle, there are infinite possibilities for relationship.

But in vision one sees the actual realities, and how hard it is to really seek such a thing. 

Birth and Death process

Anger, Power, Powerlessness, Truth and Untruth.

All anger is from things happening the way you think/feel it should not happen.

It is a me vs. the universe.

One has to align themselves to the way and will of the universe.

There is simply no other way.

The level of anger depends on how much you are against.

Alternation between anger (force wasted) and depression (depleted energy).

Maybe that is why sg said: 

If you are angry you are stupid (because you are going against life, getting powerless in some way).

But this is a blanket oversimplification.

I guess anger is the aftermath of powerlessness. 

Because the experience of powerlessness is only after you push power and it also blows in your face.

Because if power is pushed into a circuit that receives it, it will pass through.

Something can look like anger, but it might work.

So the important thing is, did it work or not.

This is where it gets tricky because it can sort of work, but waste tons of energy,

So levels of anger is "different levels of inefficiency or impossibility/wastage" you could say.

I guess in maya you have collective fantasy and indiv fantasy.

The indiv fantasy be at odds with the collective fantasy, and get isolated.

But it is possible the real truth is more aligned to the indiv isolated fantasy than the collective fantasy which is far more deluded.

But the result will still be, the indiv with the isolated fantasy will suffer far more.

That is why in maya, the mantra is always, do it the way it works.

So then the reasoning would be, it is all a game of power.

I could have a million people connected to a 1A power outlet and 1 person connected to a 10millionA power outlet. That single person will be 10x more powerful than all the million ppl put together.

So power and powerless is about truth and untruth levels.

More the person is in truth, the more the power he will carry.

How much of untruth this can counter and manage depends upon how deeply he is channeling from truth.

Ultimately the one core wisdom that solves this issue is:

"To know what is in your control, 

And to know what is not in your control, 

And to know how much effort it would take to control anything,

And to know what effort is worth putting in for control."

Fundamental basic cyclic burdens of existence

FUNDAMENTAL BASIC CYCLIC BURDENS OF EXISTENCE:

***************************************************************************

ELEMENTALS:

********************

EARTH: Food -> Poo

WATER: 

Water -> Pee

Sexual desire -> Release

AIR: Breathing In -> Breathing out

FIRE:

# Activity/Expression(physical(1c), sexual(2c), verbalizing(3c/5c), perception(4c/6c)) -> Rest/Sleep

# Mental learning -> Dreams; Novelty -> Rest

# Temperature: Hot (Fan) -> Cold (Jacket/Blanket)

OTHERS:

*************

HEALTH: Health -> Sickness (not a cycle really but it appears to randomly happen)

OTHER NEEDS: Clothing, Territory/Shelter

BODY MAINTENANCE: Toe Nails, Finger Nails, Head Hair, Beard

Earth wash, Water wash, Wind wash, Fire wash.

RELATIONSHIP: At least one relationship to tune into (to harmonize the system).

Relationship <-> Alone time

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This is the minimum it takes to live in this realm in this form.

These are the basic requirements of this virtual game which one cannot exit out of until its [time is over] or [transcended and mastered].

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The cycles freq and amplitude can be heightened or shortened:

# EARTH: If you eat more, you'll poo more

# WATER: 

If you drink more, you'll pee more

If you indulge in sexual desire projection and release more, then it increases freq.

# AIR: If you breathe in more, you'll breathe out more

# FIRE: More activity, then more rest; 

More the temperature variations, more the stimulation of metabolism.

Freq of Wash: Earth wash, Water wash (bath), Wind wash (fan), Fire wash

Freq of Hair and nail maintenance: Head hair, toe nails, finger nails, shaving.

Freq and amp of: Relationship vs Alone time.

Freq and amp of: 

* Travel/Novelty vs. Home/Familiarity

* Learning/Exploring vs. Assimilation/Integration. 

EXCRETION:

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AIR:

# Yawning = released gas from lungs to mouth

# Burping = releasing gas from stomach to mouth

# Farting = releasing gas from intestine to anus

FLUIDS/WATER:

# Spitting = releasing fluid from mouth itself

# Ejaculating = releasing fluid from prostate to urethra

# Pee = releasing fluid from bladder to urethra

# Diarrhea = releasing fluid from intestine to anus

# Vomiting = releasing fluid from stomach to mouth

# Sweating = releasing fluid from skin

# Puss = released from skin infected area.

SOLIDS/EARTH:

# Poo = releasing solid from intestine to anus

# Shedding skin cells, hair, nails.

Suffering cannot be shared IF

Suffering cannot be shared,

# Unless the other also includes their suffering in the same way as me,

And attends to it with the same interest as I do.

# Additional they must also take the other as a part of themselves in inclusion.

These are the 2 conditions.

If another person is violent/hostile and avoidant towards their suffering,

And if they also do not include the other in real empathy,

Then both the conditions are shot off, and its a double whammy in the negative direction.

Then they are going to inflict the same on you if you ever share about yours.

They are going to be dismissive/hostile/antagonistic/blaming/attacking towards it.

RULE: The way we treat ourselves is the way we treat others.

The 2 factors can be seen as:

# Attitude towards one's own suffering

# Attitude towards others 

The outer world enacts your desires

The outer world enacts your desires.

When another person complains about the things that you already find buggy,

Then your own complaint has been offloaded and you are free.

The aspect that the other represents/emanates, 

And the aspects that the other attends to,

And the aspects that the other expresses,

Means you can offload, delegate those things off your energies.
It frees you of those things in a sense.

For instance traveling with anir means,
I can turn off attention towards all the things he is doing.

But this also means, I would do a lot or almost all of that, if he were not there.

So when many people are there, they regulate the place and maintain greater sanity, taking my anxiety off of maintaining certain harmonies.

Similarly my presence would also be freeing them to be as mundane as they want.

Because I am immersed in those ethereal dimensions.
When someone takes up something fully,

It frees the others of that load, whatever that thing is.

So a good complementary relation would be:

# I do what I like to do and you don't like to do.

# You do what you like to do which I don't like to do.
If both are aware of the contribution of the other,

Then there is a mutual empathy too.

The projection of hate and need for isolation

Like Shunya said,

You are only projecting fantasies and people are responding with counter-projections to those.

So when in a state of emanating hate to others,

I isolate, because it will trigger those results to reflect,
Which will then multiply the source projection.

So my own projection multiplies itself in my experience via. others giving me a ton more of what I do not want.

The others are like a bunch of mirrors that will multiply my emanated light with 100s of reflections adding up.

I think there is a chemical basis for all of this.
There must be some base levels of neurotransmitters modulating the whole experience field.
So with chemical supplementation, the base mood itself can be changed, 
Which will result in different emanations from you, 
And will thereby mirror those emanations back to you,
Causing a whole different experience flavor to happen.

The control of all mood, is the control of "thought-energy/pran/electric charge-chemistry".
There is an inside out influence from: thought - charge - chemistry.
And there is an outside in influence from: chemistry - feel/charge - thought.

Here like sg said, the karmic-information/tendencies determines the mood/affects/quality of life.
Mastery over energies is capability powers, 
And mastery over time is mastery over death.
All is in how you hold the karmic information, not in the information itself.

It is the way you hold it, that is the only thing to work on.
There must be first transcendence of all the karmic info.
Then one has to dry the potatoes out by living them through.

So when alone, I keep this multiplication reflections factor off.

Whereas when you desire/like/love/cherish an other, then being with them gives you no fear, 

Because you see in them that which you project, that is reasons to like/love/cherish/desire them.
Even if they do not respond well to that, you still see those things in them, so in your experience, they are still sweet deeper inside.

That is why, when you can only see what you despise, that will multiply itself through every interaction.

It is all happening in one's own consciousness.

So even if the other reacts in a positive way, it will mitigate the original hate, but not remove it.

You would feel they are nice on the surface as a coverup but inside they are still wretched and terrible.

So the original self-hatred results in an other-hatred.

The original self-denial and self-abandonment results in the same towards others, other-denial and other-abandonment.
So if the self is entirely fixed, the projections will be entirely fixed too, then the stage has been set right.

In hatred, I want the others to disappear from my consciousness.

So the reflection is of them also wanting me out and avoiding me intensely.
So the whole thing sustains itself as a tension where I perceive others hating me and me hating them and then as a result they hating me further and then me hating them further, and so on.

A dynamic like that is set up.
It is the opposite of eros/bonding.
Where I see reasons to like someone else, 

And then in turn find reasons to like me further, 

And then I also take it further, and so on.

That is the opposite kind of dynamic.
The important thing is the root projection.

That is what straight away simply mirrors itself in one's experience.

Like if you believe cats are mean selfish self-centered self-absorbed manipulating creatures,
Then everything that the cat does will be seen in that light only.
If you see all systems of power as just a self-serving psychopathic enterprise, 
Then you would see everything in that light only.
All of reality perception will be modulated and warped to fulfill the premise.
It is interesting to wonder about whether this is a top-down or bottom-up process.
How did it all start and is there a causal chain?
Bad memories -> reinforce the belief that they are bad -> Further accumulation of bad memories -> further reinforcement.
It seems like all beliefs are self-fulfilling patterns once set into motion. 
They maintain themselves, eat their own food, and grow themselves.
And after a while these beliefs die too, when we start to feel bored with them,
And seek all kinds of information and evidence to the contrary to disprove them.
It is as if these beliefs live us, rather than we living those beliefs.