Happiness is an elusive paradox

Happiness is like sleep.

I cannot study it.

Cuz. when I am in it,

I am not there. 

Concentration is like sugar/pleasure

Concentration is like sugar.
Mixed with anything, adds pleasantness.

Good as long-term, Bad as short-term

When it comes to good/evil, right/wrong,

I think it is more of short-term vs long-term.

Good is often a long-standing solution,

While bad is often taking the much shorter easier routes,

But then landing up reversing their gains,

Or even falling into losses later. 

Reason is a crutch for acceptance

Reason is just a crutch used for acceptance.

It is possible to accept directly without it,

Without having a reason, without making a reason.

The need to know/understand/reason is also a crutch.

We just use all of that to make the acceptance more bearable.

Imagination vs Reality

Imagination is on your terms.
Reality is on its terms.

Astrology is exactly like weather

Astrology or larger existence goes nowhere,

It goes round and round, with circular dramas repeating.

Something like the cyclic weather patterns.

It seems exactly like weather-seasons.

Just like living in a concrete house shields you from any weather no matter what,

When personality ends, one lives in the weather of astrology affecting one a lot more keenly.

(What sg calls the psychological structure, whether it is thick or thinned)

So it is quite like moving from a covered motorboat to an open sailboat,

In terms of the weather affecting you much more.

This is like marduk vs tiamat.
Marduk is the society and the personality conditionings we form.
Tiamat is the ocean of existence and astrology cycles work like weather here.

My problem with inertia

Once I start something, I don't want to stop.
Everything gets pushed to its last tipping point.
Wake-Sleep, Food-Fasting, Talking-Alone, switching between jobs etc.

Earth, Water (binding elements) vs Fire, Air (freedom elements)

The weight and cohesion elements:
Earth (weight)
Water (cohesion, glue, viscocity)

The freedom elements: 
Fire (transformating power)
Air (lightness movement power)

The knowledge does not come from drugs, but comes from you

The knowledge does not come from drugs, but comes from you.
Drugs are similar to books in that way.
The book is not the knowledge, it is food for your mind only if you are capable of digesting absorbing assimilating it.

Knowledge of ignorance is the real savior

It is not ignorance that will save you,

Neither is it knowledge that will save you.

Rather, it is 'knowledge of ignorance' that is the real savior.

The causation conundrum

It is like the chicken and the egg, it goes both ways.

Am I separating myself out OR is prakriti separating me?

This gets into the very notion of choice.

What shaped the choice? Did the agent really choose at all then?

A bee chose to sit on a flower? Did it really choose at all? OR Did the flower chose the bee? Did the flower have any choice?

The entire idea of causation is dismantled both ways.

There is simply the mutual arising of both together,

Not a this causing a that OR a that causing a this.

Causation is like an intellectual conceptual game,

It has no existential reality.

Consensus reality and personal mind reality

My mind is constantly yo-yoing and bordering between the "consensus SOC sanity" and "millions of other SOCs".

The more alone I am, the more difficult it sometimes gets to stay in consensus SOC.

What I realize is like what AP said, madness is not actually madness but it is a departure from the consensus SOC configuration with the inability to switch back at will or at least recreate the appearance convincingly.

It is as though my mind is bursting out with infinite potentials of configs of being,

While there is fear whenever there is a large enough departure from consensus or ability to come back to consensus on demand.

Survival concerns (maintaining linkage with the group) restrict the exploration greatly.

Even the mere presence of others around with them knowing me, roots my mind to some extent into consensus.

Talking and all Thought as only adding the verbal layer

Experience/Awareness -> Verbal conversion faculty (based on the frame dynamics) -> Expression.

All talking feels like an art.

It feels like something I am doing over what is existing.

It is an art form of the mind - adding new content.

But it is not the underlying truth which would anyway exist without any talking.

It only can point to things at best.

Talking sometimes feels like just an additional job that has to be handled,

On top of the already ever present continuous experience awareness going on.