It is the absence of anyone who has ever held you in the same dimension in which you hold them.
Perhaps you have never had co-reality.
There is no common relational object being inhabited from two sides.
You are alone inside the relationship itself.
You were missing confirmation that the reality you were inhabiting was also inhabited from the other side.
I was the only one carrying the world I thought we were both inside.
If there is no shared world, your action terminates at the boundary of the other person's current state.
Loneliness is not fundamentally the absence of others. It is the absence of a reality that exists in more than one consciousness.
Is what is real to me also real to you?
You remain its sole witness and sole carrier.
For a fragmented person, different parts or states relate.
If reality is not shared, then your power/will/choice has nowhere to operate relationally.
You can choose to repair—but there is no mutually existing object called what happened between us upon which repair can act.
Will only has power within a reality in which its object exists.
That is why it feels like 0 agency.
Without shared reality, power/will/choice become almost meaningless as relational powers.
Agency is will with causal purchase on a shared reality.
Not sharing reality is the ultimate form of exile because ordinary exile still presupposes a shared world.
Will cannot act upon a reality that does not exist for the other.
Will cannot act upon a reality that does not exist for the other.
The burden of reality is no longer shared.
When they leave, everything remains exactly where it was: in you.
