The fear is of getting stuck in being dependent or independent,
The fear of getting stuck in the other extreme.
It is not very different from good-evil, right-wrong, and so on.
Dependent-Independent is also one such duality/duel.
The good is obsessed with the evil,
The right is obsessed with the wrong.
Similarly the pain point is mostly the opposite polarity trying to invade itself upon one.
Fully experiencing both with intensity will liberate you.
Often the inability/failure/suffering of handling one extreme,
Creates the need for the "other compensatory extreme" as a the denial of the former and as an insulation away from it.
But then whatever is denied within us, gets projected outside to the next rung,
And then we keep attracting the opposite from the outside because we are unable to own that need within us.
What is within us, but projected outside, makes us attracted to that in the outside.
Because the psyche is in the quest for wholeness, so it wants everything.
It is therefore out-sourced to the outside, and then we feel a need to keep the opposite polarity as near to us as we can bear.
So the distance between you and that quality you desire, is exactly calibrated to the extent you can bear it.
For the hyper independent, the need is for others who need them.
For the hyper dependent, the need is to need others.
Our own need disowned is outsourced to the other.
In our consciousness we experience the other person's quality fully, as fully as our own,
But we need them to "own it and take responsibility for it" ,
Because we are unwilling and averse to owning that,
Because that quality would have hurt us in the past,
Or would have been our point of powerlessness and failure (in our history).
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