The main themes of this Ra Mahadasha

This Ra mahadasha has simply had the major themes of:

The gradual descent into Depression/Deadness/Emptiness, taking me into deeper and deeper worlds of the outbreath.

Fading/Falling away more and more into the depths of the ocean, into deeper obscurity, unreachability and aloneness.

Very high libido + Pleasure seeking = As a drive to feel alive again (remove the deadness).

That is why I tried all kinds of [psycs, supplements, narcotics, drugs] etc. to feel alive again.

Items: Nico, Mj, Tea, Dark choc, Fp.

To feel connected to something nurturing or holding the promise of nurturing.

I now just care about [truth, honesty, sincerity, genuineness, humility, transcendence].

My craving and attachment to life itself, is being weaned out.

The great emptying and self-cooking to a crisp, paving the way for the great return.

Identity and the world projection

The world is seen as per the filter of your identity.

Thinner/subtler the identity, more of the world and its information pours in.

The subtleization/sophisticating of identity is the process of spirituality.

Yielding more and more of the identity to the ultimate subtle (movement towards nothing).

The LOC is the sophistication/subtlety level of the subtle body.

Subtler the identity, higher the level of information received.

Identity is the functional ordering crystallization formed native to the LOC present in the subtle body.

Idealization and Devaluation

Gotta keep the balance:

Idealization -----vs----- Devaluation

I want to idealize only as much as the other likes me.

I want to devalue only as much as the other rejects me.

I need to like only as much as the other likes me.

I need to dislike only as much as the other dislikes me.

This is principle of "Conservation of Relational Energy".

Frozen Heart and the pain of unfreezing

When your hand is frozen from ice,

It feels numb and there is no pain,

But once you put the hand in warm water,

The unfreezing happens and there is severe pain,

Then once the hand returns to room temp,

Then there is the new normal and aliveness.

The same applies to the frozen heart.

Feeling the pain and suffering of rejection,

Is still better than leaving the heart frozen.

At least some unfreezing is happening,

And there is some feeling happening.

Rotting of the whole world that was previously invested in

The energy that has been put out,

How to take it back?

I think, whatever has been put out cannot be taken back.

Only the further putting out can be stopped.

For me, this world itself, that I unconsciously or ignorantly invested my energy in,

Is now a rotting corpse, because I have withdrawn nearly all from it.

I am just experiencing the rotting of the whole world that was previously invested in.