Abandoned energies turning against you

Do abandoned energies (that were previously mixed-in) turn against you?
It is as if all relations that received conscious tangling OR unconscious tangling of your energy (like family relations),
Need to be untangled slowly and gently over time without breaking or separating it.
Since the family-ones are unconscious and therefore deeper, they are harder to unwind out.
As part of the Dwija - twice born, there has to be separation from the familial identity, with as much grace as possible.
I have done a good job with transforming JB. But D is the hard one by a very long shot.
In fact it is mostly me attempting to seek the connection with JB with different techniques, not from their side to me.
***
That energy turns against you and works against you.
It is like now the relationship gets imposed on you, which becomes the enemy relation.
It is the energetic link that is refusing to separate and still entangled, since the door is not opening voluntarily, it is barging-in and demanding the relation.
Now the interesting thing is, I might have had such violent relations in the past, where I was the one imposing this on the other.
That is why like the criminal transformed by Buddha, when he went to the village ppl still threw stones at him.
So even though I am transformed hugely and am stepping out of my old patterns, those old patterns mirrored by others who synced with me, are now demanding the same from me and therefore turning adversarial and violent.
***
The violence happens because it is against my will which wants to separate itself from those energies.
Even if I withdraw from it, it gets thrust on me as some intrusion/violation which is a forcible inclusion of sort.
Like breaking the door and entering.
It is a way of forcibly grabbing attention.
This could be problematic, because now every fight will be perpetuated, to maintain the relation.
It is as if forcibly dishing out pain to the other is the only way the connection is forcibly maintained.
It is like eggidi hitting me on the back, and me slapping him.
This is the definition of abusive relations right? Where one or both the parties act unconsciously forcing the relation violently on the other.
Now even if I decide to stop, he will still do it from habit and that would be felt like abuse to me.
It is also heavily conditioning coming from eons maybe. That is the only way they know to relate, unless that intensity is provided through another way.
***
The problem is of the demand for intensity. Because that much intensity is difficult to get by proper sustainable means. So it is kind of a rabbit hole and it reminds me of criminals who are not willing to work and earn value in society, and instead break into the bank and steal the money.
That extreme hunger, and lack of legit means, means they will use brute violent ways which are obv non-sustainable and will lead to the system putting them in prison.
***
So essentially in abusive relations, one is dealing with a criminal, who wants to grab that intensity of attention from you by force and against your will.
Is it not similar to rape in a sense? or physical abuse? - essentially unearned relation that is demanded.
[I do that with B, but in a different way, by marketing/selling/emphasizing all the great value I bring to him, that is another way].
So it is like perfusion into other energies and withdrawal from other energies,
There is a certain grace in both those processes.
Violent entry becomes violation.
Violent exit is seen as violation again.
***
Its problem is that, it wants the relation intensity so bad, and goes about criminal brute ways of getting other's attention.
My problem is, my failure of proper assertion, which either gets completely closed or it is completely open to a big detriment to me.
I thought being silent and completely non-cooperative, non-responsive would do the trick, but it seems to fire the violence of the other even more.
***
Another problematic link now is through food, the seductive kinds of foods, which it uses to get relation from others.
So the relation is only through the stomach and obv through not so healthy sweet or spicy foods.
So I wonder, does the sadist become the masochist when he withdraws from his old ways.
It is like the Ire of all the people he violated and attacked, is felt as coming back to him from them being the sadist now.
Prarabdha is the arrow that is already fired and living through the effects of that.
So nothing can be done but to BHOG the effects.
But agami is the arrow armed right now which can be shot skillfully with vision in the present.
***
It is like in the previous night if you have not settled some issue,
After sleeping it comes back to you in the morning.
Similarly, I think my karma is not with individuals,
But rather to the psyche patterns which get symbolically played out like dreams.
Like how SK was behaving almost exactly the same.
The repeating pattern tells you there is that unresolved component.
How to resolve does not mean you just get back into the old pattern.
It has to be transformed with vision too, not just a reactive thing and agreeing to fall back into it,
Which actually recreates the same past that you have just changed from.
The unconscious energies are transformed from your conscious intelligence to whatever capacity you can manage with Agami.
***
It almost seems like withdrawal from relation is not an option.
It turns the relations bad.
But even strangers turn hostile.
So it seems like having no relation is not possible as long as I am in this environ.
When I am moving into enlightenment, does everyone want to tag along for a free ride?
Like sg was saying the snakes would come when he would go into deep meditation?

Hot-air balloon eagle perspective (triply removed)

My experience feels highly removed from the visceral/on-the-ground perspective/animal-alert outer focused perspective.
It is like I am doubly or triply removed from the outside world.
My perception from my perspective is completely symbolic/metaphorical/analogy based/implied/indirect/abstract/poetic/musing-like/contemplative/visionary/dreamy/artistic/mystical.

I look at my whole experience as if you are seeing what is happening from scrolling Google Maps zoomed-in to about a 1000ft height (say it is showing a live feed of what is happening on the ground).
I am always looking at the entirety of my experience as "experience" itself directly.
Sort of like looking at a movie screen and seeing the whole thing as moving images on the screen.

So for me the whole is moving, the whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole.
And every whole is infinitely rich in its own way,
Just like every art piece is infinitely beautiful in its own way.

I am identified most as the commentator of the commentator looking at the cricket/football match happening.
OR I am identified with the hot air balloon person, looking at the police man, guiding the different car drivers in traffic.
OR I am identified with the CEO of the corporation looking at the big picture vs. the actual programming writing the building blocks for their website application etc.

I feel extraordinarily detached and removed.
Like I am filled with Aakash/the element of space,
And all other elements are just dancing within me,
Creating my daily experiences day after day.
From the perspective of Aakash/Space I feel like an all permeating witness,
With the ability to access everything from every point from its inside.

For me travel feels like an eagle flying over a vast vista.
All different but also equivalent in the sense of their intricacies and riches.
I am just traversing between different wholes, that is the kind of feeling.
Like moving through scrolls of different kinds of equal size art works.
I cannot say a sharp good or bad about anything, because of the riches of everything.

I experience travel (and general life itself mostly) like a sort of 'Virtual Reality' experience.
Like a passing long-drawn dream, like a long saga playing itself out,
And me witnessing and experiencing everything from the front seat of this 4-D theater playing out the movie-roll of 'a specific TIME path-trace' for me.
Passing through all the different SOCs.

It is like a fractal.
Because while I am watching from my own timeline, I see all other timelines playing out too.
Like multiple symphonies playing at the same time in superposition,
And me using my attention apparatus to filter to the timeline I want to observe.

I relate to everything like a dew drop in the indra's net,
And in this case my own dew-drop keeps moving through this indra's net fractal.
True power for me, from this point of view, lies in ACCESS/VISION and ENERGY/POWER to move anywhere.

I don't fundamentally see anything as god/creator/universe etc.
I think those are all intellectual mind-made concepts.
I only experience my self or my own experience,
Which includes its visions/limitations/inner-longings.

The genesis of identity/ego and its maintenance

An identity/ego is created based on "what about you, was loved/liked/needed/recognized by others".

So we tend to stick and recreate/regenerate/cultivate the same inner-outer situations/ppl/attitudes/inclinations to maintain that identity that got us love.

It is like a whirlpool-cycling-maintenance.

Trying to find your place in the world is essentially like trying to find an environ to forge an identity, that best builds on the seed you carry.
But the seed itself might have been forged from a long evolutionary past and eons of cycles.

But it is not something you do by yourself, it is also as much about "what about you is loved by others (even animals)", that makes you invest in it, for your own survival/continuation/furtherance.

It is like the 2 hands needed to clap.

This extends quite deep.

If someone does not like you at all, 

You will avoid everything about them, and also all that they do too, because that attracts the same kind of energies right, that are against your general-seed/formed identity.

It eventually gets reciprocal. And they also sense the same from you, and avoid you totally.

The issue is, it extends to not just their sensory presence, but also all that they like-dislike, you want to keep away from all of it, esp. what they like, because that imitation would then become the attractor for that which is not conducive to your seed desires, i.e. more such people who are not supportive of your other potentials (in the majority).

So the whole thing seems like a massive game in 'time gathering' and relativity.
Also, if there are seed desires, that are not manifested in your current identity, that could come as an attraction you feel to something foreign.

Whatever you consciously identify with,
You feel a connection/affinity with all others sharing the same conscious or unconscious identification.
Someone could remind you of a heavenly dimension of yourself,

Or they could remind you of a hellish dimension of yourself. 
Your self here means the seed pattern you know/perceive/recognize/cognize.

Likes-Dislikes are the quintessence of karma itself.

Devotion/Mirroring is towards anything that is powerful and loves us greatly, like a great mother archetype, a deeply vitalizing sustaining power.

We mirror/imitate whatever supports and sustains our life.

That is why pets adapt to their owners.
They may even start to physically resemble each other esp. where the involvement was intense between the 2.
This also unconsciously happens.

Wherever we live esp. with involvement, the residue of that accrues slowly over time.
Then later you feel nostalgia for the same in your memory.

Great love is the harbinger of great transformation.

Because it will move you from STATE A to STATE B.

The question I wonder about is that,
Was that also predestined? in the sense of being written into the seed?
Something that time activates by bringing the right place/time/people?

Life I guess moves between love and fear.
It would be only love, if your identity/identification is zero.

It would align with the saying, you came with nothing, you'll go with nothing, all else in the middle is simply gain of various kinds.
It would only be fear, if you identity is a huge accumulation but there is not enough energy to maintain it all.

Changing our identity and environ is taking a survival risk.

There is a tendency to maintain continuity rather than making a lossy abrupt change in hope of something much better. 

Depends on how the tendencies within tilt.

Because how can we know that new identity will garner more interest/love/support from others or not.

Also leaving the people we have had prior investment with, is to start anew.

Like moving to a new city and leaving your old bank balance behind there itself.

And time also fades out everything, so leaving the current situation means, it will start to fade in your absence. You will also lose your past investment.

The only way to have true freedom is to be absolutely dispassioned detached from everything.

Where you are absolutely willing for anything.

The ultimate courage is the ultimate freedom.

It comes from the ultimate transcendence.
Where you connect with the source (like the sun), and realize all the other things you thought you were, were one among many of its paler small reflections.

Where one is free from TIME.
The GREAT TIME that flows and changes on and on.
Moving through its multiple dimensions.
Entering and exiting through through various dimensions/various lokas/various densities.

Only so much can be done in a period of time.
It goes no faster or slower.
The sun does not shine any more brightly than it does.
So there are great limitations in time and energy.
Neither do we have indefinite time nor extreme energy to get things done extremely quick.
We stand on the quicksand of time, while trying to pull ourselves by the bootstraps against the quicksand of death/entropy/decline taking us in.
And finally death wins, and all our struggle was ultimately in vain.

It is like the myth of sisyphus.
Energy alternates between Rajas-Tamas-Rajas-Tamas...
There is absolutely no option but to ABIDE/ALIGN.

The X-factors in infections/diseases at the physical level

The X factors:

3 types:
# Living (micro-organisms/bacteria/parasites)
# Dormant (interface between the 2, the virus concept (cellular memory program disruption/alteration/corruption etc.)
# Non-living (toxins, poisons, heavy metals)

2 variables that determine affect = potency and quantity that enters.

4 Transmission means:

# Contact surfaces:

Passing on to a person's system via contact surfaces i.e 

Contact with skin -> Then contact with mucus membranes like eyes/nose/mouth -> Capacity to deal with that at the mucus levels.

# Ingestion:

Eating something -> The strength of the stomach acid then determines how much is neutralized or if the parasites/pathogens are killed

# Breath:

Through breathing in aerosol/vapor minute water droplets - breathing, coughs, sneezes 

(consider the perfume analogy - breath being like a gentle bellows-action like an accordion, 

and cough/sneeze being like a pressurized bottle that is sprayed).

# Direct injection into the blood stream

Tick bite, insect bite, snake bite etc.

The 3 sister concepts: Auto-immune diseases, Viruses, Cancer.

They are all sister concepts because all of them work at the level of cellular memory programs.

It is the malfunction of the integrity of the 'memory layer' of our cellular system.

Technology is the bridge/translator between realms

Technology is the bridge between the mind realm and the physical realm.

There are technologies that bridge/link different spectrums.

Like electronics/electricity is converting energy to work.

Then there are senses recreation/creation techs like displays/speakers etc. 

Masks and concealing identity

The masked world is the underground world of clandestine/hidden identity.

Showing one's face to the world is the identity face.

That is why in all the things that society shuns, even porn for instance,

Mask use there is very common.

Only the face or portion of the face is masked to cover the identity, 

To make oneself generic and invisible.

It is like that V for Vendetta kind of mask.

Even political rebels, societal rebels, wear masks.

A person too different, may want to wear a mask and move around.

Deeper insights on karma and passive exposure

The very reason for feeling attraction,

Is past exposure.

Passive exposure of anything does millions of things.

Total abstinence is the only way to clean something out,

Or extremely conscious deliberate minimal activity.

Esp. sexual attraction is totally shaped by sheer exposure and intimacy.

That is exactly the reason one is attracted to parental lookalikes, past partner resemblances etc.

Attraction has no logic, it is pure parallel processing of accumulations,
Creating pleasure/pains, desires/fears,

And all accumulations are also constantly digested.

What you consciously do, attend to, at each moment profoundly leaves residues,

That then build up karma and attract more of the same, and so on.

That is why karma-samyama dissolves all of this.

Because you are letting digestion happen with no new input.

Like sg said,
How much are you conscious of every moment?
How much do you see of the impressions and residues you are taking in?

That will keep building within.

Karma keeps regenerating the same patterns and constantly reinforcing and deepening those.

That is how grooves of preferences get entrenched.

KARMA = The HEAP of information.

Desires/Aversions, Attractions/Repulsions.

So whom you have sex with, is the focal point of all the accumulations.

Only what you consciously build will come with you.

The accumulations keep serving and forwarding themselves.

You cannot be separate from whatever you are perceiving.

That is why sg said, manage the karmic information.

Or that that person ate bad food and so is suffering.