My experience of life

I miss having a shared reality with others around.

Pets cannot share my reality. 

Though I feel their emotional openness to me could make my life better.

Where I am now is like 3000ft underwater.

I live in that depth, I live in that Ni space.

I feel like everyone else is living in the Se surface.

I can also equally say, I am like a space satellite,

Or an airplane flying at 40000ft, or looking from a hot air balloon,

Or flying like an eagle high up beyond the clouds.

My natural center of gravity rests in those,

Liminal, limbo, bardo, inbetween spaces.

My whole being is tuned to live in those spaces.

For me all of the activity of their world is like a,

Distant, Faint, Muffled, Far-out sound.

My investment abode and natural center of gravity is at those depths or heights.

The space inbetween life and death.

The space inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness.

The space inbetween awake and asleep.

The space inbetween lives.

The space inbetween being here and not being here.

The trough/valley of the waves that are others.

I see the life of others the way one feels when looking at a city skyline.

I constantly have sublime feelings of grief and nostalgia.

As I retreat and move away further into the depths and heights where I really live.

I am so alone in this space, but that is my home.

I get in and out of people's lives, like an alien moving through dimensions.

Everything is vast, sublime, rich, complex, and far out, from where I see.

I see far, wide, and deep. I see vast vistas.

When I wake up in the morning I can fly like an eagle or swim like a whale,

And zone/hone/tune-in/focus on any aspect of life, any creature, any other person, any piece of knowledge, art, beauty, all that is conceivable.

But as my energy wanes, I lose my powers to contact the world,

I lose my power to focus on the objective world,

And return to my inchoate blurry subjective vastness where I rest.

My relationship to this entire social world is very tenuous.

It is like what an eagle or a blue whale would feel about land activity.

They may come up for air or food and explore a thing or 2, but that's about it.

My mind is a genie that can shape shift into any perspective, union and detach with things, like entering and exiting dimensions.

After every sleep, I receive a refill of this energy to contact the objective world/social world(the shared world), but once this energy goes low, I return to my liminal limbo like inchoate vast blurred subjective space(my private world), and lose contact.

I am always ambivalent about social dealings because many of them may bind me to the ground, and I always want the option to use my wings or gills.

I always need to be able to separate myself from the land and not get tied down.

The physical world, the physical life, and the concerns of survival seem very distant to me.

I am in this place but not of it, is my persistent feeling.