What people say they want is often not what they really want.
But there is a sort of thread connecting what they really want to what they say they want.
Figuring out that thread takes a lot of time, investment of psychic energy, and a lot of familiarity/exposure. So that the patterns can be intuited.
Like I have to run simulations in my head rapidly to know.
So if they do not speak anything, then the job is entirely left to me.
The issue is I can see their needs screaming, even when they themselves deny it.
Ultimately when it pains enough, they will identify with it and it will come out in some perverse way.
So I see different portions of their being dying from their abandonment of those portions, and the effects nevertheless happen, and they notice those portions only when the pain becomes too much.
Only to go for some unhealthy fix like getting forced interaction by shouting at someone for some exaggeration. And then once again that part is abandoned to rot.
So the energy rots in various ways, and it relies on others to exercise those parts and keep them alive.
But that has been abandoned by the host person.
Now they expect you to keep them alive and abuse your compassion.
The expectation may not come to surface until you stop intuiting and fulfilling the other's needs.
Own and love/invest in yourself, is what i'll say.
The parts that are dying from abandonment/neglect/disinvestment that is.
So for me, I feel like, It is like keeping dying bodies alive
And the bodies attack me if I do not tend to their dying parts.
They expect/demand that I tend to their dying parts.
While they have abandoned those themselves.
And shifted the responsibility of those parts to me.
And from my side, I am so ready to serve the other, that I willingly take up and do whatever I can manage.
I can also easily intuit and see those dire needs, and feel moved to serve life in the other.
I do it from natural compassion, and also fear that I will be blamed/attacked if I do not tend for them.
So this is the "serve to survive" programming.
I then get severely drained doing this, because this is a one way street, this is not reciprocated.
They do not tend to my wounds, they are self-centered, don't care, can't see, and never ever ask me "What can I do for you".
They put all their energy on themselves, and demand/expect me to serve them.
This unequal relationship is what makes me completely chuck out all the relations where:
"The person is not only dis-owning themselves (irresponsibility),
But have outsourced it to the others, and even demand/expect/attack others for that."
By definition, what has been abandoned will die, start to die, and pain and degradation will ensue.
I feel like a great sacrificial mother to this world.
Where everyone is dying/rotting, and expecting and demanding of me to keep them alive.
This is why I imagine the world to be like:
# "I am legend" a million zombies, with me alone.
# People latching on with expectations like Vikhram and Betaal.
# Life of a pi - boy vs wild animals
# Country of the blind - man with eyes vs. blind village
# Jungle book kind of situation - mogli with the forest animals.
# Planet of the apes - The apes civilization dominating and marginalizing everyone else.
# Like members outside the Matrix - morpheus, neo, trinity, and other crew members.
# Like Elsa in Frozen - living in the ice palace.
# Like Wall-E in the wasteland.
Like I am the only struggling angel in this world of demons.
And that even my own avatar is struggling with its own genetic stream difficulties.
I say, own yourself first, own all of the parts of you.
I doubt I can ever find a reciprocal relation in this plane.
So I have 2 priorities:
1. Keep myself great first, own myself fully, and quarantine until I work everything out nice.
2. Do whatever little I can manage from what overflows from me.
I can intuit everyone's needs, and I fulfill them,
But I never ever get that reciprocated by a very long shot.
So almost all relationships becomes overdrawing and sacrificial.
But there is a sort of thread connecting what they really want to what they say they want.
Figuring out that thread takes a lot of time, investment of psychic energy, and a lot of familiarity/exposure. So that the patterns can be intuited.
Like I have to run simulations in my head rapidly to know.
So if they do not speak anything, then the job is entirely left to me.
The issue is I can see their needs screaming, even when they themselves deny it.
Ultimately when it pains enough, they will identify with it and it will come out in some perverse way.
So I see different portions of their being dying from their abandonment of those portions, and the effects nevertheless happen, and they notice those portions only when the pain becomes too much.
Only to go for some unhealthy fix like getting forced interaction by shouting at someone for some exaggeration. And then once again that part is abandoned to rot.
So the energy rots in various ways, and it relies on others to exercise those parts and keep them alive.
But that has been abandoned by the host person.
Now they expect you to keep them alive and abuse your compassion.
The expectation may not come to surface until you stop intuiting and fulfilling the other's needs.
Own and love/invest in yourself, is what i'll say.
The parts that are dying from abandonment/neglect/disinvestment that is.
So for me, I feel like, It is like keeping dying bodies alive
And the bodies attack me if I do not tend to their dying parts.
They expect/demand that I tend to their dying parts.
While they have abandoned those themselves.
And shifted the responsibility of those parts to me.
And from my side, I am so ready to serve the other, that I willingly take up and do whatever I can manage.
I can also easily intuit and see those dire needs, and feel moved to serve life in the other.
I do it from natural compassion, and also fear that I will be blamed/attacked if I do not tend for them.
So this is the "serve to survive" programming.
I then get severely drained doing this, because this is a one way street, this is not reciprocated.
They do not tend to my wounds, they are self-centered, don't care, can't see, and never ever ask me "What can I do for you".
They put all their energy on themselves, and demand/expect me to serve them.
This unequal relationship is what makes me completely chuck out all the relations where:
"The person is not only dis-owning themselves (irresponsibility),
But have outsourced it to the others, and even demand/expect/attack others for that."
By definition, what has been abandoned will die, start to die, and pain and degradation will ensue.
I feel like a great sacrificial mother to this world.
Where everyone is dying/rotting, and expecting and demanding of me to keep them alive.
This is why I imagine the world to be like:
# "I am legend" a million zombies, with me alone.
# People latching on with expectations like Vikhram and Betaal.
# Life of a pi - boy vs wild animals
# Country of the blind - man with eyes vs. blind village
# Jungle book kind of situation - mogli with the forest animals.
# Planet of the apes - The apes civilization dominating and marginalizing everyone else.
# Like members outside the Matrix - morpheus, neo, trinity, and other crew members.
# Like Elsa in Frozen - living in the ice palace.
# Like Wall-E in the wasteland.
Like I am the only struggling angel in this world of demons.
And that even my own avatar is struggling with its own genetic stream difficulties.
I say, own yourself first, own all of the parts of you.
I doubt I can ever find a reciprocal relation in this plane.
So I have 2 priorities:
1. Keep myself great first, own myself fully, and quarantine until I work everything out nice.
2. Do whatever little I can manage from what overflows from me.
I can intuit everyone's needs, and I fulfill them,
But I never ever get that reciprocated by a very long shot.
So almost all relationships becomes overdrawing and sacrificial.
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