Deeper insights on LOC

Higher the chakra = Lower the free will.

Lower the chakra = Higher the free will.

The receding of value from the outer to inner depths.

This will happen to everyone in evolution,

The shift from outer to inner.

Some are stable in their LOC, some are in progress mode.

A person's life energy's FOVEA is at their LOC.

That's where all the life happens.
Where they live from, is where their LOC is.

Each revelation-realization of emptiness takes a person higher on the LOC ladder.

So people at lower LOCs than 615 are basically not interacting with me, but with my Russian doll shells.

So a 240 LOC sees my 240 LOC shell.

A 440 LOC sees my 440 LOC shell.
I can extend to any LOC level but the lower it goes, the longer the extension.

People will only max need me

I think people at best need me,

Never want me,

Because wanting requires an equal.

Needing is the only possibility here,

Because there is no equal. 

All fighting is essentially about

All fighting is about destroying the softer with the harder.

The same principle for everything.

Harder is thought as power, 

Softer is thought as weakness. 

Unable to see time makes planning and decisions very difficult

If I could see time,

If I could see both internal flows and events and external flows and events,

Planning and arranging my life situations would be so much easier.

Now I have to live in the dark about time,

Not knowing when what how will change.

Attachment is like agnostic glue

Attachment is like glue,

It can be towards positive or negative experiences,

Played out in the mind again and again,

In an attempt for you to recreate those experiences.

All desires are for the repetition of past experiences. 

There is no way to win in life

Everything has its pros and cons,

There is simply no way to win.

It is like that stone cutter story.

Life is for its own sake.

Ultimately the same from every pov.

Just like a hologram.

Where any pov shows the whole.

There is no self

The self is the implicit of all the explicit perceptions.

So if all of the explicit is changing,

Then there is also a changing implicit self mirroring that.

So there is no self in reality.

The self is simply a mirror of all that happened from that pov.

Anything that you withdraw from will give losses

Anything that you withdraw from will give losses.

Withdrawal from body = loss of body

Withdrawal from world/society = loss of world/society

Withdrawal from others = loss of others
Withdrawal from mind = loss of mind 

The pursuit of freedom in the infinity of infinities

Constant seeking of pleasure.

The venues of freedom are the venues in which variety and infinity is sought.

The desire for novelty and variety.

Where freedom is indulged in.

The infinite infinities of 5-D.

-- In food = The infinity of food/drink.

-- In physical adventures

-- In attainments

-- In knowledge = The infinity of knowledge and skills.

-- In screen time variety = The infinity of online video content.

-- In living spaces = The infinity of places to live in for a short time.

-- In ppl interactions = The infinity of ppl interactions.

-- In travel = The infinity of travel possibilities.

-- In sexual stimulus = The infinity of porn available.

-- In usefulness = The infinity of ways to be useful to others.

-- In chemicals = The infinity of drugs.

-- In tech = The infinity of tech possessions and its possibilities.

-- In music = The infinity of music and music creation.

-- In insights = The infinity of insights-visions.

-- In creative works = The infinity of creative works in infinite domains.

There are no quantities -> only qualities and infinities.

Quantities do not exist, only qualities exist.

Only infinities exist.

Sattva = Mind, Rajas = Ppl, Tamas = Things.

Do you desire the things of source or the source itself?

To that degree will you abstract your interests-investments-engagements-pursuits.

In every infinity-world-domain, there is both structure and freedom.

Happiness is an elusive paradox

Happiness is like sleep.

I cannot study it.

Cuz. when I am in it,

I am not there. 

Concentration is like sugar/pleasure

Concentration is like sugar.
Mixed with anything, adds pleasantness.

Good as long-term, Bad as short-term

When it comes to good/evil, right/wrong,

I think it is more of short-term vs long-term.

Good is often a long-standing solution,

While bad is often taking the much shorter easier routes,

But then landing up reversing their gains,

Or even falling into losses later. 

Reason is a crutch for acceptance

Reason is just a crutch used for acceptance.

It is possible to accept directly without it,

Without having a reason, without making a reason.

The need to know/understand/reason is also a crutch.

We just use all of that to make the acceptance more bearable.

Imagination vs Reality

Imagination is on your terms.
Reality is on its terms.

Astrology is exactly like weather

Astrology or larger existence goes nowhere,

It goes round and round, with circular dramas repeating.

Something like the cyclic weather patterns.

It seems exactly like weather-seasons.

Just like living in a concrete house shields you from any weather no matter what,

When personality ends, one lives in the weather of astrology affecting one a lot more keenly.

(What sg calls the psychological structure, whether it is thick or thinned)

So it is quite like moving from a covered motorboat to an open sailboat,

In terms of the weather affecting you much more.

This is like marduk vs tiamat.
Marduk is the society and the personality conditionings we form.
Tiamat is the ocean of existence and astrology cycles work like weather here.

My problem with inertia

Once I start something, I don't want to stop.
Everything gets pushed to its last tipping point.
Wake-Sleep, Food-Fasting, Talking-Alone, switching between jobs etc.

Earth, Water (binding elements) vs Fire, Air (freedom elements)

The weight and cohesion elements:
Earth (weight)
Water (cohesion, glue, viscocity)

The freedom elements: 
Fire (transformating power)
Air (lightness movement power)

The knowledge does not come from drugs, but comes from you

The knowledge does not come from drugs, but comes from you.
Drugs are similar to books in that way.
The book is not the knowledge, it is food for your mind only if you are capable of digesting absorbing assimilating it.

Knowledge of ignorance is the real savior

It is not ignorance that will save you,

Neither is it knowledge that will save you.

Rather, it is 'knowledge of ignorance' that is the real savior.

The causation conundrum

It is like the chicken and the egg, it goes both ways.

Am I separating myself out OR is prakriti separating me?

This gets into the very notion of choice.

What shaped the choice? Did the agent really choose at all then?

A bee chose to sit on a flower? Did it really choose at all? OR Did the flower chose the bee? Did the flower have any choice?

The entire idea of causation is dismantled both ways.

There is simply the mutual arising of both together,

Not a this causing a that OR a that causing a this.

Causation is like an intellectual conceptual game,

It has no existential reality.

Consensus reality and personal mind reality

My mind is constantly yo-yoing and bordering between the "consensus SOC sanity" and "millions of other SOCs".

The more alone I am, the more difficult it sometimes gets to stay in consensus SOC.

What I realize is like what AP said, madness is not actually madness but it is a departure from the consensus SOC configuration with the inability to switch back at will or at least recreate the appearance convincingly.

It is as though my mind is bursting out with infinite potentials of configs of being,

While there is fear whenever there is a large enough departure from consensus or ability to come back to consensus on demand.

Survival concerns (maintaining linkage with the group) restrict the exploration greatly.

Even the mere presence of others around with them knowing me, roots my mind to some extent into consensus.

Talking and all Thought as only adding the verbal layer

Experience/Awareness -> Verbal conversion faculty (based on the frame dynamics) -> Expression.

All talking feels like an art.

It feels like something I am doing over what is existing.

It is an art form of the mind - adding new content.

But it is not the underlying truth which would anyway exist without any talking.

It only can point to things at best.

Talking sometimes feels like just an additional job that has to be handled,

On top of the already ever present continuous experience awareness going on. 

Things I am going to put aside

Need to put aside all kinds of pointless meaningless things:

-- Death (Consciousness never dies, only witnesses radical changes)

-- Health (It's another name for Pleasure)

-- Success notions

-- Recognition or fame (That is also a double edged sword - some gain some loss)

-- Opp sex relations and friends

-- Work

-- Duties/Obligations (the only real duty is to get liberation)

-- Astrology (it is the internal weather forecast)

-- All pain and suffering

-- Aging body system and its changes

-- Divine (I'll believe it when I see it first)

-- Love (a passing illusion)

-- Good bad/Light dark

-- Free will and destiny (that is just an intellectual conceptual game)

-- Creative inspirations and works

-- Drugs

-- Travel

-- Celibacy (managing sexual urges)

-- Meaning (they are just overlay stories)

-- Past and Future (time is the play of the mind - memory and projections)

-- Thought and Juicy-Thoughts-Emotions (play of words, language, meaning, stories)

-- Money (money is only the means, only for some things)

-- Desires (there are infinite desires at every moment, taking stock of what is there and calculating improvements)

-- Depression (it comes and goes)

-- ASCs (the most fleeting things)

-- Mental bleeding (from past terror situations)

-- Dreams

-- Causation (did I cause this? or did that cause me?, it is an intellectual concept game again)

-- Depression (just live in reality, it is a passing ASC)

These things are to be dealt with as they come,

But never the central focus.

They are all subservient and must serve the higher goal of liberation.

The central focus is the pursuit of liberation.

The central goal is yoga/union.

The nature of JB setup abuse

JB setup: Keeps broadcasting these things:

-- Do not expect anything from me, I owe you nothing.

-- I gain nothing from you, you are a liability to me, the best thing you can do is either [be far away out of sight] OR [please me/validate me].

-- Already whatever I am doing for you is a debt, do not increase the debt (said as a warning).

-- But they expect/demand different stuff from me, random small things demanded (role-reversal of parent-child constantly maintained).

-- They trouble me with their mismanagement, negligence, dramas, noise, smells etc.

If confronted, they are 100% attack aggression, because they believe they are always right and can do no wrong.

-- They tell me "I am already a victim to this that XXX, don't make my life any more difficult with your needs or problems". Rather you fulfil all your needs on your own and stay away, or if you want any interaction then fulfil my needs.

-- Lastly if I tell them all of these things, they will deny it and call it my imagination, shame me for it, and tell me I can do better things than try to find non-existent imaginary faults in their perfect natures.

4 different worlds as relation between your desires-survival and life river

1st world = River of life itself takes you [to - into - through] your desires-survival.

2nd world = Still river of life, needs your effort to move towards your desires-survival.

3rd world = Opposing river of life, opposes you enough that most of your effort is consumed to not slide away from your desires-survival.

4th world = Opposing river of life such that all your efforts only slow down the movement away from your desires-survival.

Everything is tendency

Tendency to [separate, isolate, observe, reflect, ruminate, understand, theorize].

Watching the tendencies arise with force and pass,

Also watching tendencies cycle.

It is the tendencies that rule one's life experience.

There is the tendency for death and tendency for life.

It also determines which forces will be harnessed,

Depending on which tendencies are online.

Similar terms

Pain ---- Pleasure
Disease ----- Health
Hell ----- Heaven

There is no event called death

There is no event called death.

That is a 3rdpp pov.

That event only applies to others.

For you, it is dying-transitioning.

There is always a fight between 3rdpp and 1stpp.

That is: objectivity vs subjectivity.

Objectivity is only for others.

Subjectivity is for your self.

"Even if there is no afterlife, the moment you die, you are unaware you are dead.

But the moment before, you are alive. 

In this way, life and death never meet.

I am not afraid of death because life and death never meet.

Just as you cannot remember the exact moment you fall asleep.

I will only know life. 

YOU will know my death. 

That's your problem."

- Norm MacDonald

Dreams, Death, and Psychedelics

Dreams = Theta state

Deep Sleep = Delta state

Psychedelics/DMT = Delta+Theta

Sg: If you can be aware of the exact moment of falling asleep, you'd be aware of the moment of death too.

A person leaves the body either from: Energies getting too feeble ---or--- Energies getting too intense.

There is only a range in which the [subtle body energy frequency] stays in the body.

Robert Monroe OBE: Focus 10, Focus 18 states = show you states where the point of attention shifts away from the body.

David Icke: Out of body is just the point of attention being placed away from the body-senses.

If the dream state is a 2-3/10 separation from the body.

DMT might be an 8/10 separation from the body.

Death might be a full on 10/10 separation from the body.

Terrence Mckenna and the Tibetan Shamans: DMT as the lower bardos. 

Going beyond the lower bardos is to enter death and not returning.

Bernado Kastrup: The dream field.

Transcendence (Tirobhava to Anugraha) is an orthogonal direction, no matter what season is happening

I have been roiling/rolling in [disease, suffering, deprivations, limitations, depressions, weakness, fatigue],

From lack of energy/prana,

Since 2013 Ra Mahadasha.

That's the reason for all my addictions-schedules.

Needing the stimulants like tea/nicopatches, hot-cold bath, fap, supplements, exercise, drinks etc.

This is an inner 4th world situation since 2013 - Where the body is collapsing from the deprivation of energy,

And all my actions are about trying to get spurts of energy/breaks/reliefs,

Only to postpone/delay the fall that just keeps on going on and on.

It is the season of transition from body to out-of-body (the Bharani imperative?),

From waking->dreaming->sleep, the return part of the cycle.

I have to live low key, lay low, with low budget expenses,

Just to manage/pass through this transition.

I'm sort of in a [state of suspension (suspended action), bardo, limbo, liminal space, transitory state].

The astral load is high, taking up a lot of my energy to experience->process->sort all of it out.

I'm constantly in the zone of in-between life(survival) and death.

The constant yo-yoing between: 

12h (the loss of lagna) and 1h (the ecstasy of birth, new life).

Beginnings ---and--- fadings

My strife being to someone access the 1h again through temp means whenever I can,

Manifesting as 1000s of sparks of creativity, but with very short life.

Life now feels like walking in a dark night searching for those fireflies of hope.
Always searching for stimulations - that might make me "feel real" for a while,

Instead of the faded dream flow that is otherwise ongoing.

The [Tirobhava -> Anugraha], is an orthogonal direction to [Srishti -> Stithi -> Laya].

And every change can be used to progress higher in transcendence in this orthogonal direction.

There is new knowledge/learning/progression in transcendence, 
No matter what happens in the planar space. 

Impermanence as a constant call to live fully and complete with everything

Ultimately this whole life is about the loss of everything,

So complete with everything everyday as much as possible.

Living fully is the only way out of the threat of impermanence of everything.

The living fully is just an ongoing principle,

That keeps endlessly deepening,

From the realization of the extent of impermanence.

This full living just naturally happens when the sheer extent of impermanence is understood.

There is a tremendous urgency.

Even atoms do not stay the same even for a split second.

One never steps in the same river twice, not even once in fact.

It is all continuously changing and moving blur.

Fear is of something being taken away from us prematurely before we completed with it.

Who will be attracted to me?

Ppl who want to transcend and vanish would be attracted to me.

The journey from something -> nothing, from gross -> subtle.

Hate/Refund vs Investment

Hatred is the process of removing awareness-energy from something.

Love is the process of investing awareness-energy into something.

Hatred is also when there is an unforeseen snubbing that happens.

When a denial happens of something you feel is natural/normal/expected/cool/entitled/deserved.

Because you want to quickly get a refund,

You want to pull back all your money out and leave.

When the person fully becomes unconscious, the job of hatred is complete.

Hating the world means I want to withdraw my awareness-consciousness-energy out of it.

Like Shiva swallowing up creation back into nothingness.

How does one pull back, all the energy put out in the world, and turn it to journey upwards.

Pratyahara.

The quest to reach Samadhi is what I am doing all the time.

The whole hatred disgust towards everything is the movement of withdrawal of energy,

The sea-line receding in the shore.

The pull back to source, is experienced as the reverse of attraction to the world,

It is a pull away from the world, so the world is seen as the repelled object.

Pravritti -----vs----- Nivritti

Foray into the world ---vs---- Retreat away from the world

If life is a dream, all causes are only apparent causes

All causes are only apparent causes in a dream.

The props do not matter as much, 

They are only the messengers/puppets executing the theme in your experience for you.

It could through anyone or just happening from no visible cause too.

Ultimately, the whole experience is what counts.

My Highest Values

-- Minimalism (keeping only what is consciously used or enjoyed as much as possible)

-- Sustainability (lifestyle should work in longer scales)

-- Inclusion (efforts/orientation to benefit all beings)

-- Bigger picture thinking (assessing far-reaching consequences for oneself, others, and environ)

-- Ahimsa (minimization of unnecessary violence)

-- Enlightenment/Moksha as the top purpose.

-- Creativity Expression (art, dance, music, photography etc.), blog insights

-- Tracking/Logging: Blogging, logging/tracking all activities.

-- Past reflections: Revisiting the past to learn deeply from experiences.

-- Completion: Completion of all runas with others as far as possible

-- Independence: Making full effort oneself first, then seeking help only if needed. Where everything is driven by me first.

-- Justice: Balancing the scales

Advice to myself

My advice to myself:

Stay ultra-flexible, adaptable, bendable, mutable, like water or even air.

Nothing should be static or stuck. All dynamic and agile.

I am none of any of this, statics or dynamics.

The whole thing must be handled to the peak of my intelligence.

Never conclude anything, there is simply endless revelation and renewal.

I am an eternal warrior. 

Becoming is always happening

Becoming something ----vs---- Becoming nothing (unbecoming)

Integration (increasing, maintaining) ----vs---- Disintegration (decreasing)

Motor-on (speeding up or steady) ----vs---- Motor-off (winding down motor)

Particularized/Concentrated/Specialized ----vs---- Dissolved/Spread-out/Universalized

Order (increasing order) ----vs---- Chaos (decreasing order)

When I am there, God is not ----vs----When I am not, God is.

Srishti -> Stithi -> Laya = Cycles of creation-preservation-destruction.

Cardinal -> Fixed -> Dual signs

Creation effort (facilitate the ushering) -> Running effort (facilitate the daily running) -> Managing effort (facilitate the return)

There is no death if seen from a broader perspective.

Just like there is no day or night from the heliocentric perspective.

What is called death is only the transition of life-experience from one dimension to another.

Every loss is a gain of something else.

Every gain is a loss of something else.

One is always "This".

There is no This and That.

There is only This and This.

This is the non-dual seeing.

One never steps in the same river twice.

One does not even step in the same river once.

There is emptiness/change through and through.

One is that nothing/emptiness in which all is changing.

One is that omnipotent screen of experience, in which all the movies/illusions/dreams of life play.

All vairagya is simply by keenly observing impermanence and the perceptionflow.

This is a fractal holographic dream.

Where every living being experiences as per his accumulations/filters/conditionings.

The Paramartik -> lensed to Vyavaharik -> lensed to Pratibhasik.

Heavy karmic load meaning

Karmic load = pain = imposition over consciousness.

There is the vital vibrancy prana electric energy inside.

How much of content is imposed upon this?

That determines how much freedom is present.

Energy is completely free once all of the content is worked through and digested.

But even if there is enough free energy to have surplus over all the load, then there is good freedom present.

In my case, I'm way too open to the astral,

And most of the energy is thus getting occupied and siphoned to handling that sphere.

So there is very little energy left in the physical.

And the physical has a high minimum maintenance too.

So the free energy available becomes very low in the physical.

Once the load is just too much,
There is a feeling of being a puppet of destiny,
Like I am forced to continuously juggle and play tetris,
With endless new turmoils, difficulties, content to handle.

Even after slimming down my physical investment footprint to the bare minimum,

I still have very little surplus.

The astral takes away 80-90% of my life.

Leaving only 10% to the physical, which is just used for mostly bare subsistence.

Maybe I was referring to that astral load as the 12th std.

Or the 12th std frequency of the soul,
Which would deal and be tuned to that sphere.

I feel like I am in the border

I feel like I am on the border of:

-- Existence and non-existence

-- Self and non-self

-- Consciousness and unconsciousness

-- Wake and sleep

-- Being and non being

-- Awareness and non-awareness.

-- Doer and non-doer

-- A merger of feeling and doing + merger of feeling and thinking

-- Thinking through feeling + feeling through thinking

Everything feels like a blur, a surreal experience.

Reminds me of early childhood.

Sadhana is the means, the vehicle, the conscious transformation of tendencies

I think sadhana is like the soap used to clean up everything else.

Thereafter the sadhana itself is dropped in the end like the soap is dropped.

Since, the sadhana is 100% conscious, it can be easily dropped.

So the sadhana has to encompass all of the unconscious binds first.

Then it becomes like a vehicle where you can live life freely from that vantage.

All sadhana then is to ultimately transform the unconscious tendencies into conscious practices.

All sadhanas if done diligently will lead to siddhis/specific attainments.

Sciences of transformation = Kriyas

asanas, pranayama breathing (nadi shuddhi, ujjayi, kapalbharti, bhastrika), bandhas, mudras (yoga mudra, kechari), mantras (nada yoga), consecrated chants.

Insight on riding the cycles of time

[Banging/Ramming/Rubbing] against all the walls of existence.

Feeling all the [limitations, restrictions, impossibilities].

Exploring the NOs of existence = The realm of pain/suffering itself.

Wanting all that you cannot have.
Energy investment into a limitation = pain

***

All resistance is suffering, even if there is some success in overcoming it by some amount.

And resistance is inevitable, because there are going to be 2 opposing forces always present: inertia, and the push against it.

Rajas -> overcoming Tamas -> Tamas overcoming Rajas -> and so on.

Destructive freedom ----vs---- Constructive freedom.

The intrinsic reward and punishment regarding laws of existence.

Fighting with the laws of existence/dharma is futile.

The realization that the ego is a slave and has no [actual independent essential existence freedom].

It just emerges and passes out of all the other flows.

It is only a manager rather than a creator.

***

That the only 3 options are: to [resist] or [work with, go with] or [work for/serve] the structures.

So it is you vs universe/time.

Go against it = suffering/crushing.

Go with it = trapped.

Ride it to accomplish things = riding.

Success = pleasure -----vs------ Failure = pain.

***

Failure is trying to do impossible things.

Ambition/Desire is the source of pain, 

Life itself is the source of pain,

But there is no option of rejecting it,

Because one cannot stand apart from it.

It is not possible to have only 1 side of a duality and reject the opposite pole.

Greater the ambition = Greater the pain, even if the ambition is in line with the greater powers,

Let alone if the ambition is impossible and against everything.

Fulfillment of desire = Consciousness of and Fulfilment of dharma.

All success is related to how much you are in line with the [greater laws/greater forces/the river of time].

***

The fundamental attitude duality: 

Whether you are for or against life, the way it is, its structure.

The ego is not the creator but the co-creator.

So if it goes against the creator, then there is pure suffering only.

Only if it goes with the creator, there is either peace or joy.

-- Total acceptance and flow with life/existence/time is peace.

-- Total acceptance flow with life/existence/time + using one's power to build further is joy.

Wanting or orienting towards anything that is not present now is suffering.

There is simply no option but to serve life.

There is no choice at all, all choice is false choice.

There is really only 1 way to be.

Between 

resisting life 100% = suffering, 

being with life 100% = peace, 

being for life 100% = joy.

Liberation is from the endeavour to understand from one's own exploration.

***

Similarly slavery is also adharmic.

Slavery ----vs---- Empowerment.

Instead of using one's power to serve life.

It is given away to devaluation/destruction instead of valuation/construction. 

Cords of the Astral relational body

There are way more limitations that I can see.

Unseen limitations - the colossus of the astral relational body.

Astral cords connecting me to others.

Every enmity and runa there in the cords, can make me potentially suffer.
Every friendship and love there in the cords, can bring me potential joy.

Most of these cords maybe unconscious and only come to light when the person enters the conscious mind.
In a way, the tree of life connects everyone to everyone through cords.

Could it be interaction is that astral cord brought to the conscious?

But the other end of the cord is another conscious entity too.

So they can cause pain in the cord from their ignorance/delusion/false-self-identity anything.
So one becomes responsible for the entity on the other side too.

Life is also like tetris,

Things places people also constantly change,

Very slowly like a glacier at times, but they do change.

So I guess there are different time-spans to be spent with different ppl.

Maybe this was preordained before birth?

That connection cord is revealed depending on who you are spending time with.

Whether they bring you joy or sorrow depends upon the nature of the cord at that time.

Ofc this is all the journey of the relatively more permanent jiva that moves from ignorance to enlightenment.

So if everything is used for liberation as a Nishchala tattva, 

Then that means the person is already liberated at the heart level.

So all the pain and anger at the other could be the astral cord pain,
Like similar to spraining your ankle or pulling a muscle?

Any attempt to fight with the person is powerless against the cord itself.

I feel it is not possible to really sever connection with any being.

However if someone is really unworkable, 

It is not their time, and it's maybe best to let them free, so that they can discover truth on their own.

Change and Wisdom

More change = More wisdom

What is one's value to the other?

We do onto others, what we do onto ourselves first.
The way we treat/deal/work on ourselves is the way we treat/deal/work with others too.
One's value then is basically what does onto oneself.

The value I bring to the other,

Is the same as the value I bring to myself.

I serve others the way I serve myself.

That is, whatever I do onto myself.

That same doing just gets extended/projected to the other.

***

-- Duty-obligation seeking, comfort/security seeking, ritual seeking = 1c

-- Pleasure seeking (good vibes only, no pain, nothing difficult, nothing stressing, all easy, anti-depressant stuff) = 2c

-- Power/Control seeking, Worldly knowledge seeking = 3c

***

-- Enlightenment-Understanding of Dissolution-Seeking (digging into areas of life where there is powerlessness and seeking to empower), Self-knowledge seeking, Healing focus on the different hells within, direct seeing (DE/DK/DP), Transmutation of knowledge and understanding to the higher abstract spiritual planes = 5c/6c

The main themes of this Ra Mahadasha

This Ra mahadasha has simply had the major themes of:

The gradual descent into Depression/Deadness/Emptiness, taking me into deeper and deeper worlds of the outbreath.

Fading/Falling away more and more into the depths of the ocean, into deeper obscurity, unreachability and aloneness.

Very high libido + Pleasure seeking = As a drive to feel alive again (remove the deadness).

That is why I tried all kinds of [psycs, supplements, narcotics, drugs] etc. to feel alive again.

Items: Nico, Mj, Tea, Dark choc, Fp.

To feel connected to something nurturing or holding the promise of nurturing.

I now just care about [truth, honesty, sincerity, genuineness, humility, transcendence].

My craving and attachment to life itself, is being weaned out.

The great emptying and self-cooking to a crisp, paving the way for the great return.

Identity and the world projection

The world is seen as per the filter of your identity.

Thinner/subtler the identity, more of the world and its information pours in.

The subtleization/sophisticating of identity is the process of spirituality.

Yielding more and more of the identity to the ultimate subtle (movement towards nothing).

The LOC is the sophistication/subtlety level of the subtle body.

Subtler the identity, higher the level of information received.

Identity is the functional ordering crystallization formed native to the LOC present in the subtle body.

Idealization and Devaluation

Gotta keep the balance:

Idealization -----vs----- Devaluation

I want to idealize only as much as the other likes me.

I want to devalue only as much as the other rejects me.

I need to like only as much as the other likes me.

I need to dislike only as much as the other dislikes me.

This is principle of "Conservation of Relational Energy".

Frozen Heart and the pain of unfreezing

When your hand is frozen from ice,

It feels numb and there is no pain,

But once you put the hand in warm water,

The unfreezing happens and there is severe pain,

Then once the hand returns to room temp,

Then there is the new normal and aliveness.

The same applies to the frozen heart.

Feeling the pain and suffering of rejection,

Is still better than leaving the heart frozen.

At least some unfreezing is happening,

And there is some feeling happening.

Rotting of the whole world that was previously invested in

The energy that has been put out,

How to take it back?

I think, whatever has been put out cannot be taken back.

Only the further putting out can be stopped.

For me, this world itself, that I unconsciously or ignorantly invested my energy in,

Is now a rotting corpse, because I have withdrawn nearly all from it.

I am just experiencing the rotting of the whole world that was previously invested in.

Life drive vs Death drive

Life drive -----vs----- Death drive

Self construction (attraction to construction) ----vs----- Self destruction (attraction to destruction)

Lidinization of construction ----vs---- Libidinization of destruction.

Kundalini flowing towards construction ----vs----- Kundalini flowing towards destruction.

Becoming something drive ----vs----- Becoming nothing drive.

Directed towards self (life or death drive) ---or---- Direct towards other (life or death drive)

Themes of horror

The different themes of horror:

- Possession (all kinds, incubus in sleep paralysis)

- Eternal recurrence (groundhog day, myth of sisyphus)

- Immobilization (becoming a tree)

- Becoming the devil itself (undesirable transformation)

- Endless pain (endless undesirable happenings)

- Endless conflict (endless wars)

***

They are all kind of connected too.

Endless possession could mean immobilization, undesirable transformations, and endless pain.

And in a way something endless has to be cyclic and recurring too, else you will not detect the "presence" of the endless thing.

Like if air never moved, you would stop feeling air.

So movement is needed to feel the presence of something.

And the horror part is to have the same pattern of arising and passing repeat again and again, and something which you cannot ignore, which forces you to deal with it in some way (possession of your attention, energy, time etc.)

The more prolonged it is, more the horror.

***

Another theme of horror is conflict that is not resolvable and goes on and on.

But where you have to keep acting and putting out the fires each time. Like endless wars.

Like the simplest theme of this would be - A very strong will to survive countering an extremely hostile environment where everything is trying to kill you.

Like the Doom series games, Heretic, Hexen etc.

All survival games (lone warrior like).

***

A lot of AAA PC games are mostly horror based I feel.

Even competitive games are a much subtler version of the same horror, of one man against all others.

Like every game is based on being 'against' something/someone/or an enterprise.

***

There is a cartoon I saw recently called 'Pink Panther'.

I found it quite existentially dark, had subtle horror themes.

***

All assertiveness is the polarization within about what you want and what you do not want.

Likes and Dislikes.

Against this would relate to what you like, cuz the shadow of that is dislike.

More the intensity of like, more the dislike too.

Want/Desire/Like/Love -> will have all of it's opposites too.

All change is death

All change is death.

All change is life too.

Change is both death and life,

When looked at backwards or forwards in perspective.

To die is to live.

To live is to die. 

About change

I am not trying to change,
I am just allowing change to change me.

Problem solving from 2 directions

Ultimate solution/thinking about cause/Contemplation/expanding at each pass -----vs------ Practical solution/narrowing down at each pass.

Simultaneity vs Cause-effect

Simultaneity is what removes cause and effect.

Cause and effect is the illusion of the mind,

Because of the illusion of perspective/focus/lens of the mind looking.
Things are seen one at a time, with a sequential separation,
Making one think that a this prior in time is causing a that later in time.

If everything is seen at once from a whole view, 

There is a singular simultaneous arising.

What ground are you standing on? What are the conditions?

What ground are you on?

What is your context/condition/situation/ground/medium/surrounding/environment/terrain?

That is the moot question. 

The fundamental principle of all energy

Everything is about increasing energy prod + preserving/maintaining/holding it + releasing the excess/waste product.

All kriya, yoga practice, exercise, food, breathing, supplements, vitamins.

All to facilitate greater prana/energy/life-force production. 

Purak, Kumbhaka -> Rechak, Shunyaka = [in, in-hold] -> [out, out-hold] = yin, yang = gathering and holding potency -> releasing and empty-stability.

This is the fundamental principle of all energy.

Absolute slavery is also Absolute power

Being an absolute slave is paradoxically also absolute power.

The 2 poles of the same magnet?

Like how the deeper your one leg is planted,

The higher and freer the other leg can have freedom to move.

Slavery ------- Power 

The world as a lateral inversion of the implicit self

I think what I get from this is existence is like one Dunlap.

Whatever you are, polarizes the rest into the opposite.

So you'd also see the same world with only the implicit and explicit interchanged.

Like the world is a mirror + the lateral reflection, i.e. opposite of what you are.

So you see the world as it is, then flip it around to know the implicit self.

So it is only possible to be with the whole.

Being any one side of a pair of opposites means an incompletes deficiency,

Causing an attraction and pull towards the opposite pole denied.

This is like the polarity of the saint and the psychopath.

The goodier I am, the badder the other end I would be attracted to for completion.

The nature of pain, saturn, ego-death, and awakening.

Pain is simply Saturn = limitation, restriction, imposition, restraint, chains, imprisonment, boundedness, bondage, torture, to be hostaged, to tolerate/bear/endure/withstand.

Which causes: [frustration, angst, suffering, anger, despair, depression/futility/hopelessness, helplessness].

The context of all powerlessness/helplessness is mostly the debility/inability/impossibility to maintain-advance-exalt the past-ego.

The impossibility of meeting ones desires from one's state-station in time, and the feeling of despair of being unable to do so even in the future.

When the movement of time starts to kill and end the past-ego.
The negation of the survival instinct and the search for pleasure.

Desire is obviously of the ego, So death of the ego will hit al of these areas totally.

The ego is a creation of the other, it is created-maintained-destroyed by the other only.

Time creates, maintains, and kills the ego - through others as props for that enactment.

Both the birth process and death process belong to governance/domain of time.

As long as your "ego's desire pattern" is in line with "existence's desire patterns" at that time/place,

It will live that much longer,

Until existence itself changes enough,

Then you'd anyway go through ego death.

Conscious creation of identity/identification/tuning/alignment/merger with the larger cycle-forces is the best option to mitigate pain and suffering.

But since this is conscious, this is done after one grounds themselves into the Pragnya of Shunya first.

In 99% of the cases, the ego is unconsciously formed in a span of time-places, so no matter what the internalization is, it is going to be met with ego-death/transformation when the time-season changes.

A summer ego is going to meet the winter season and get greatly transformed into the winter ego.

If one is asleep, one is identified with the summer ego, gets tortured and struggles through the transformation to the winter ego, and now will once again struggle when the next transformation happens.

All transformation is an opportunity to wake up and see the truth directly.

That is when the maya illusion thins itself allowing you to see through it to the Shunya that is the actual real. The veil is thinner and full of openings at that time.

It is like how when the sky goes dark you get the opportunity to see the whole larger universe, but once the sun's light reengages the sky veil, everything is obscured again.

The only way to not go through ego-death is identification with the changeless.

Any ego identity means you are sleeping-dreaming not awake to the actual truth.

So every transformation will feel like death and come with all of that real pain/terror.

The difference that knowing of the real truth makes is like the difference between knowing something is a movie vs. believing it is actually real. 

That is the sheer level of difference and relief.

All the stuff still happens, but it is seen from a totally different place.

Anything that will change, if identified with, it is going to change someday, and that time you'd go through loss and ego death.

I think this is what sg was referring to as riding larger cycles?

Because it is taking refuge and building over a larger cycle,

So it is continuously powered-supported by larger existence for longer and therefore will last longer.

Such folk will feel like they are immortal because of the long cycle they are tuned to, but all cycles end.

It is only a matter of time.

Death is for all that CAN die.

All that CAN die WILL die eventually.

It is only a matter of time.

Whether for an aeon or something very short in span.

Even all the devatas die, all the entities in higher planes too.

Identification with immediate changes, causes very quick nulling creating loss grief pain again and again in quick succession.

GAIN-LOSS-GAIN-LOSS? ----or----- gaIN-GAIN-GAin-loSS-LOSS-LOss

That is riding over quick cycles ----vs---- Riding over a larger cycle.

But whether a smaller cycle or a larger cycle, in the end all is not, all is unreal, all is the play of the same Shunya.

The shorter cycles create more intensity of gain-loss, and in a way are easier to use for awakening and seeing through.

The larger cycles would be more imperceptible, and more difficult to use for awakening, will put you into a trance of sleep (taking everything for granted) much easier.

The astrological chart is the 5d body

The astrological chart is the 5d fractal/hologram.
The whole is seen all the time but from different povs.

Your life's experience happens within the 5d fractal demarcated structure/possibility/modulation/body/containment/room.
It is like an Indra's-net fractal.

Like there is the: Mahadasha/Antardasha/Pratyantar/Sookshma/Athi-Sookshma and so on.

The same general energy set is playing up from different povs.

Like one in the same general room/structure/body,
But the eye is constantly moving, and changing the pov.
Like taking photographs from different positions and different angles,
With different kinds of movement creating different stories of change of patterns like music.

What was big is now small, 

And when in the other part of the cycle,

What was small is now big.

Endless revelation of more details,
Because my light level at any time can only see that much,
With only that much resolution of detail.

The basic law always applies:

The one who knows the cycle is beyond the cycle by definition.

So the 5d body can be only seen from beyond 5d.

You are what you love

You are what you love,

Not what loves you,

Not what you are now,
Not what you were before,
Not what you will be later,

Not what promises to love you if...

The direction of love and becoming/unbecoming

Love precedes becoming and also drives it.

The dnos is the dark night of love.

It is when love directs itself to disintegration, sublimation, transformation, dissolution, unbecoming, being more of a nobody and nothing, fading/vanishing/falling away into obscurity.

Which is the opposite of becoming, specialization, perfection, reputation, fame, status, being important, revered, recognized, impressive, charismatic, a somebody, shining/appearing/rising into limelight.
All becoming is connected to magnetization, that is by definition in the latter direction above.
All becoming is a sacrifice, a limiting of the infinite into a finite. This is the cost of taking any form.

So when love for becoming gets exhausted, one goes back and returns to the formless, until a new inspiration sprouts from within, and ushers a new becoming.

The ruling force of life flow

Interest = Passion = PD = Voltage = Life force = Energy = Intent = Desire = Excitement = Exhuberance = Drive = Motivation = Love = Purpose

Everything begins with access/connection.
Then the PD is setup, and energies move in that direction, the flow/animation of life happens.
That also creates the electric arc flow, and the feeling of purpose comes.

The conduits from the non-physical to the physical, like an electric arc where sparks fly.

These things simply happen.

They are not created by the self.

They are part of the maya-flow, dream-flow, perception-flow.

The self itself happens, a self happens in certain conditions.

Thinking is conditioned = like different mechanical or electrical circuits of patterns/lensing/firing of event sequences and subroutines.

Feelings happen as conditioned responses in the entire system.

Insight on bullies

They want you to become just like them.
If you fight back enough you become just like them, and they win.

It is not so simple. 

It is quite sinister.

They are forcibly vampiring your attention and energy onto them and whatever they are invested in.

Like Kreese from Cobra Kai was ultimately trying to destroy the "snowflake" generation and make everyone like himself.

So he was constantly recreating/simulating similar conditions as had been in the Vietnam war, so that the others would become like himself.

It is a very twisted way of getting forced connection and empathy, by subjecting to the other to the same conditions you were subjected to, and then recreating the same feelings in the other as you once faced.

Like a demon which circumstances created, now wants to create those same circumstances to the other gods it meets, to reduce them also to its own demonic state.

The fundamental 2 approaches are: 

We can elevate ourselves ---or---- We can pull down others to our level.

The bullies fall in the latter category.

They want to reduce everyone to their level.

If you win with a bully by fighting with them, you lose, because now you are in an even worse state.

You have invested even more energy outward than the bully to get him down.

Violence begets more violence, it never ends, unlike what is shown in shows/movies.

Anyone who is not seeking liberation is a bully.

Because there are only 2 directions one can go: lift up or pull down.

The max lift-up possible is liberation.

So anyone not seeking liberation is seeking the opposite, that is the pull down direction.

Which means he/she is by definition a bully.